I feel horrible....

MyLittleBoo · October 22, 2008, 07:15:00 PM

Okay, this is kind of a long story, so I hope you all don't mind...

Katelyn was born with xtra bone in her back (to the side of her spine), my Dr. then told me she would grow into it... Wrong, he was!! It is growing with her.. So, now almost 13 years later, we are taking her to Shriner's in Salt Lake... It is just getting soooo big, it hurts her pretty bad and the curve it has created is tremendous... She will probably be having surgery to remove the bone and then they will straighten her back somehow.. Not sure if it will be rods in her spine or if they will be able to use a brace?? We don't need the rays yet, since it is inevitable, but I will let you all know what happens at her appointment and what they say then... I should of done something before now, but she has led such an active lifestyle and that will now have to be put on hold for her health... She wants to run track in highschool (in 2 years), so I want to make sure she is able to do that... I feel horrible for letting it go for so long... It has brought me to tears... I am scared of having the surgery, but at the same time, what if we don't get it fixed?? She may never lead a normal, healthy life... I just feel like such a bad mom... I will be quiting my job when she has surgery so I can take care of her... I will also take her out of school and home school her for the rest of the year... Wish me luck... Here are some pictures of her back... The first one is the bone with her leaned over, the second is the bone with her standing up, and the third is showing how she is curved...

Dee Dee and Hallie · October 22, 2008, 09:27:40 PM

Wow Tara. I have never heard of something like this. But geez...you are NOT a bad Mom!!!! Stop adding guilt to your stress you don't need that you are a wonderful Mom. Any one of us would be afraid of surgery for our kids, of course you waited to see how things would go first, you wouldn't want to have surgery and then wonder if you should have waited....there is just no winning in a situation like this for the arguements in your head. Let us know what happens at her appointment, we will all be there with you in spirit.

MyLittleBoo · October 22, 2008, 09:56:00 PM

You are absolutely right, DD... There is the "what ifs" and "whys", just too bad they contradict each other... lol Anyway, I can't blame myself for this happening, I took really good care of myself while I was pregnant with her, ecspecially after losing her twin in the 3rd month...

Now we can only move forward and go on with the surgery to make things better for Katelyn... I will keep you updated as soon as we know what is going on... I am sure she will bounce back quickly, she is a hard one to hold down... Thanks DD, you helped me feel better... What would I do without you guys??

PattyInAK · October 22, 2008, 10:08:59 PM

Tara, you are not a bad mom, so quit that. You are doing something about it now, and that is good. Don't jump to conclusions, see what the docs say, and go from there. And please keep us posted!

Dee Dee and Hallie · October 22, 2008, 11:38:03 PM

Oh my gosh you lost her twin....how tragic. I am so sorry. Life can sure bowl us over with a spiked ball sometimes. Katelyn sounds like a great kid! She has youth on her side yes I'll bet she will bounce right back. Of course you can't blame yourself. Stuff just happens. It will most certainly be a stressful ride but once this is over you will be so relieved and will be great to see Katelyn with this behind her and moving on! Yes please do keep us posted.

Teresa · October 23, 2008, 05:01:52 AM

So many girls have surgery for scoliosis (the curve in the spine) now and they don't have the extra bone causing it. The surgery has become as routine as that kind of surgery can be and Shriner's hospitals are wonderful. I'm sure she will do fine (and you will, too). I would be more upset with the doctor didn't insist more that something be done when she was much younger, like 4 or 5. I would think it would have been obvious by that point that she wasn't growing into it.
I think you will be surprised at how well she does and you can look at this as the chance to have some close mother and daughter time, something that is very rare with a thirteen year old. She'll be in all our prayers.

JetEd73 · October 23, 2008, 07:04:06 AM

I'd agree that your NOT a bad mom. Things like this happen. She's young and flexable, my guess is that she'll recover just fine and have a happy and healthy life. Nobody likes surgery but sometimes it's necessary and it's usually a life improving deal.

cheryl186 · October 23, 2008, 07:46:51 AM

Oh Tara, you are NOT a bad mom....cut that out. You are a wonderful mom. I agree I would be upset with the doctors for not advising you earlier that something needed to be done and she was not growing into it. Katelyn will be fine. Please let us know what the doctors say. I am so sorry to hear that you lost Katelyn's twin. Katelyn is lucky to have you as her mom

....

doxielady5569128 · October 23, 2008, 11:16:55 AM

One of my cousins has surgery for Scoliosis in the 1980s when the technology was still pretty primative and she pulled through just fine. Her surgery was when she was 15. To this day she has no pain and no complications from it. I'm sure every thing will go just fine with your daughter's surgery. You are NOT a bad mom for waiting!

Katelyn will be just fine. Being active will help her recover that much quicker from the surgery. Please keep us all posted. You are a great mom, and have nothing to feel guilty about!!

TerriL · October 23, 2008, 12:48:27 PM

Okay, lets look at this another way. Lets look at all the things you have done for your lovely daughter. Lets look at the REASON nothing has been done previously. Lets look at the fact that you are feeling just the way any mom would.
Now, I am no expert on parenting and have surely made my fair share of mistakes but all of this does add up to one thing in my eyes.....
YOUR A GREAT MOM! You love your child and want the world for her. Things happen and beating up on yourself will not help at all. Just hold her close and move forward. I'll be praying that everything turns out just fine!

MyLittleBoo · October 23, 2008, 02:20:43 PM

You are all soo right.. My kids are my whole life, how can that make me a bad mom.. :verdict: I think I am just more nervous about the whole surgery, stressed about having to leave my very stressful job, but I will be home with my kids for a change, which will be very nice!! And, getting that mother daughter time in will be great, even though now I become a teacher... ACK!! :crazyeyes: Lol I faxed everything to Shriner's on Tuesday, so am now waiting for the initial appoinment.. I think I just feel bad because she is so emarrassed by the bone & curve, and that it hurts her so badly.. She can't sit for long periods of time, so I wonder now if this may be what is affecting her schoolwork?? :thinik: Well, besides her ADD.. Katelyn has definately been the one to put me through the wringer... I've made it though, with more than one gray hair, but I've made it... lol I told my kids that gray hair comes from kids & husbands... lol They had fun last night pointing mine out (time for a dye job lol)... You are all such wonderful friends... What would I do without any of you?? I will definately keep you all updated as we go along.. Thanks so much!!!

auntydoxzz · October 23, 2008, 05:55:28 PM

Remember, you made the choices you made BASED on what you knew at the time. Very possibly the passing of time has made the surgery she is having more successful!! It also is not a question of your just not wanting to bother going through all the things that you do when a child has surgery. You have real fears. It sounds like at this point there are more reasons for you to go forward and have the surgery NOW as opposed to times in the past. I would also bet in the meantime you have spent time checking into things and getting more confidence that this is the right choice now!!

None of that makes you a bad Mom! It makes you a CARING Mom, and that is what all kids really really need!! So don't sell your self short on this!!
Auntydoxzz

April · October 24, 2008, 11:37:43 AM

For what it's worth I have an extra bone in each of my ankles. They don't cause me any problems, so extra bones aren't always an issue once a baby grows. Looking at it that way, it wasn't so bad to wait on the surgery. It was possible that things could have adjusted properly. Now that there is a problem though you a re taking the steps needed to correct it and to better your daughter's well being. There is nothing wrong with that and it DEFINITELY doesn't make you a bad mom!
You are taking care of your family and doing what is best for them as it becomes an issue. That is really the only way to do it. Don't be rough on yourself for doing that. Also I went to Shriners when I was a teenager and they were wonderful. I had to have a muscle biopsy done to rule out muscle disease because every other test that was run was either inconclusive or negative. It was a bit frustrating. However once I got to Shriners things started falling into place and we figured out what was going on in a matter of weeks rather than months/years. You and your daughter will be in good hands with them.

Barb · October 24, 2008, 09:12:25 PM

Tara - you are not a bad mom !!!! Unless she didn't give your permission to post her pretty back all over the Internet !!! All kidding aside, if it will keep her from being in pain as she grows, it has to be done. We will bombard her with rays and prayers !!! Please keep us posted !

MyLittleBoo · October 24, 2008, 09:50:48 PM

I talked to Shriner's today, and Katelyn's application was approved...

Her first appointment is Dec. 17th... Thanks again to all of you... I think this is going to be more traumatic on me... lol I just don't like seeing my kids in pain... So, I hope they can help us.. At least she's in... :thumb: