birdfeeders and toothbrushes

[scootersmom]

Scooter continues to do well after his release from The Cone Of Woe - with one notable exception, which involves me and my new ranking as Meanest Mommy EVAR. 

See, I am trying to be very dilligent at caring for his teeth.  One might think that brushing your dog's teeth once a day is No Big Deal; one does not, then, own a Dachshund who (on his best days) is already worried that some vague, terrible mischief will befall him.  Imagine his utter horror when every single night, his previously (somewhat) trustworthy Mommy TRICKS him into coming into the bathroom; takes him by the snoot, PEELS his poor little lips back from his teeth, and then scrubs them all over with the EVIL BRISTLE-STICK.  Thus turning this small, sweet, innocent dog into a seething 13-pound pile of resentment (not to mention fear or revenge-based pee-dispensing). 

And we haven't even discussed the very real possibility that one of these mornings, my tired self (who is monumentally stupid and brain dead before having my first second cup pot of coffee) is going to stumble into the bathroom in a quasi-somnambulant state and brush my OWN teeth with the dog's toothbrush and toothpaste.  Mmmm....tastes like chicken.

ANYWAY.

I am going to have to begin switching out the locations in which the brushing occurs.  You can already see it in his eyes, as he looks at the bathroom door his little walnut brain is going "THAT PLACE=DANGER" and also making plans to renew his efforts to dig his way to freedom out the back fence.

Speaking of the back fence; on the bright side (for Scooter), one of my roommates decided it would be a fine idea to hang a bird feeder on the inside of our fence.  About six inches from the top.  Which makes it very conveniently placed for not only the local bird population but for Scooter's favorite prey: squirrels.  He stands for HOURS beneath the thing, staring up, absolutely convinced that sooner or later one of those little furry grey b**tards will slip and fall and then HUZZAH SNACKTIME!  After which it will have to be ME picking up the squirrel ears and elbows and whatever's left over and dispensing of them because my roommates (manly men that they are) have the following reaction to small dead things:  "Ewwwwww.....!"  [cue horrified flailing]

All this makes my small brown (mighty!) hunter very happy (well, the horrified flailing kind of scares him a bit), even though as of yet the total stands at Wildlife: 273, Scooter: 0.

Let's kind of hope it stays that way.   At least until I can convince the boys that perhaps the front of the apartment building is a better place to hang a bird feeder.  I know Scooter will be disappointed (and probably pee on me as a result), but I can probably distract him with bacon.

As long as I don't try to feed it to him in the bathroom.

[Rich]

I love your writing style! You should write a book on the adventures of Scooter. Have you ever read the dachshund related posts by Miss Doxie? (http://www.missdoxie.com/) I think you and she would have a lot of stories to tell each other.

In our back yard is located an enormous oak tree that we think may be in excess of 75 years old. This tree provides a wonderful haven and source of food for an entire dray of squirrels (that's right - dray - this is the collective noun for excessive amounts of squirrels). Stormy and Sophie hang around under this tree watching the acorns drop and wondering when the rodents will start dropping as well.

This winter with 18 inches of snow on the ground the two of them did not come running right back in to shake snow in every direction so I went out to see what they were up to - in the far NW corner of the yard I could make out the signs of hasty eating.  Running through the snow to see what they had uncovered, I came upon a scene of carnage. There was not enough animal left intact to identify, but fur, blood and animal particulate matter were spread over a large area of snow. After chasing surly, grumbling dachshunds away from their feast, I then had to clean up the chunks.  I agree with your roommates - "EWWWWWWW".

[scootersmom]

Ooo yes.  I love missdoxie.  In fact, I think I've picked up on a lot of "Dachsie-speak" patterns (and patter) from the way she talks about them.  (much like I've picked up the habit of asteriked self-narrative phrases in my posts from LJ, but that's another story)

Stormy and Sophie hang around under this tree watching the acorns drop and wondering when the rodents will start dropping as well.

Hee.  A world where it rained rodents would also make Scooter very happy.  He's also be very pleased if all birds would fly approximately 6-12 inches above the ground (and no higher) at all times, kthanxbai.

It's never a fun thing to rid one's yard of various bits of carnage and debris and such, is it?  (I don't like it, but I'm the only one in our house that will do it.  Of course, if a bee wanders into the yard, I will be the first to shriek and flee in abject terror.)

[Beth]

Poor Scooter for having to deal with such traumatization.  But, LMAO at your descriptive writing!

Chilie is kind of the same way when it comes to ear cleaning.  When she sees me with the Q-tips and cotton balls, she runs the other way!

[Barry]

my Missy sits out there all day long looking at squirrels.  I have to maker her come in.  She got one last year and shook it like a rag doll.  I hurried out there and she dropped it.  Needless to say the feeder is on the other side or our fence now.

[Roberta]

Ollie here, Iz just be glad if da birds sat still for longer and da possum came down of da fence at night he seems to go ta uz every night and ma won't lift us up.
Oliver go fur it mate earley

[papbouv]

Question can a Doxie really catch a squirrel ??? Patches tries very hard she wishes her bro Buddy would lend her his long legs just once.Patches would be mortified if she knew Buddy just watches them Squirrels walk & run all over the yard. I'm sure she would give him a good talking too.
Papbouv

[scootersmom]

papbouv: Yep, Dachshunds can catch squirrels.  And bunnies.  And crickets.  And birds.  I saw Scooter jump right into the air and catch a crow in mid-flight...it took me a few seconds of going "OMG" before I could get out there and get it from him.  (It was dead by then.  He's a very effective little hunter.)

Ollie: don't give up hope!  You never know when you'll get the chance to prove to that possum just who's boss.

[Sandishooligans]

Dis is Maddewoo.  And don't fordet da possums.  Dolly and I have kilted THWEE of dem and the 4th, da baby possum, we bwought into da house and pwayed with it on da couch.  What fun.

Mom sez.......EWWWWWWW!

[cheryl186]

Dis is Zoe....wemembah....jist a kouple weaks ago I kauted and kilt my first sqwirl???  Momma sed "Oh My Goodness!!!"...he he he...then daddy got the bwoom out and chasted me away....humph...I never eben got ta eat it

[Kari]

LOL - I love your writing  That totally cracked me up!

[Dee Dee and Hallie]

*note to self*

Do not read Noel's posts while drinking a beverage.

ROTFL. I've sure missed your humor it's GREAT to have you and Scooter back! You really do need to start on the Chronicles of Scooter book. You'd be able to retire early and spend your days catering to Scootie!  :thumb:

[scootersmom]

DD: Can you imagine a "Chronicles of Scooter" book?  I could call it "Thirty-Seven Ways My Dog Tried to Give Me A Heartattack".  (I've never told the story about him trying to escape through the second-story window, have I?)

Eep. 

In any case, thanks for the kind words.  And sorry about your beverage.   

Zoe: THIS IS SKOOTR.  MY MOM TAKE BIRDS AND SQUIRRELS FROM ME BEFORE I CAN BE EATING THEM TOO.  WHY HUMANS SO DENSE?  *sigh*

[Brekkesmom]

This is Brekke: My momma couldn't even watch the day my daddy told me to "Sic that wabbit"!  I chased it for a tiny bit and then nailed him, but my momma told Daddy not to let me eat it, 'cuz we didn't know where it'd been!  First, they tell you to get it, and then, you can't have it - sigh!  I feel your pain, Zoe and Scooter, and my sympathies to Ollie.  That's right, Maddie - I forgot that you and Dolly nabbed those possums! 

[papbouv]

When I brush Gizmo's teeth I put a towel on top of the washing machine,put water in a cool whip bowl, put Gizzy on the towel and brush away. I use a Oral B battery operated tooth brush with a childs head on it( the small round one) she has tiny teeth.Have been doing it this way for years.
Papbouv

[scootersmom]

Oh, that's a great idea!  I am going to go get one of those toothbrushes today!  THANK YOU!