Legal advice for Parker and all Puppers

[Dr. Beau Leaky]

HI, HO, IT'S KERMIT THE FROG . . .!  YEOW!!!

Pardon the interruption, all my pupper friends and hoomans, that was Merlin, who has now left the building.  :apls:

It is I, Dr. Melvin Belli Leaky with some legal advice for Parker and all his pupper friends. :thumb:

1)  Never admit to anything.  :verdict: The couch in which these items were found is in the "common area" of the house.  Without pawprints or DNA saliva, you can't be linked to any item.  Were teeth marks left in the driver's license?  It is more likely that your hoodad took a nap on said couch and his license fell out of his pocket.  AND, he could have kicked his socks off during the alleged nap and it worked its way into the cushions.  Same thing with the spoon from his bowl of ice cream.

2) The oven mitt is a little more problematic, but again, I don't think you can be tied to the evidence.  :thinik:

3) As for the hole in the kibble, mice are always an option.  Of course your recent weight gain may be introduced as corroborating evidence, but we will object to the Hoomom bringing that up, should we have to go to court.

4)  About your diet, I'm afraid that under current Obama Administration laws, you can be detained and held without trial, although you will not be referred to as "enemy combatant."  Detainees, however, cannot be tortured, so starving is out.  The trick these hoomans use is to give you green beans, so they can't be accused of starving you.

5)As for Porky's advice about hiding items in your crate, unless you can get HooDad to nap there, since you are an only pupper, you will be prime suspect, should HooMom decide to clean it - which only happens rarely, put probably without warning, so you won't be able to move any contraband.  I always recommend couches and hooman beds as good spots.  And since I have three puppers living with me, i always plead "not guilty."

Remember, I'm here for you.  Feel free to contact me whenever you need to.  I work these WW cases pro bono - that means free of charge.  It's just my way of giving back.

Sincerely,

Dr. M.B.L.

[Leslie]

pssssssst, bro, Pro bono means "will work for bones"!

[Dr. Beau Leaky]

pssssssst, bro, Pro bono means "will work for bones"!

WHAT???!!???

WHO'S BEEN PAYING WITH BONES??  AND WHO DID YOU GIVE THEM TO??  GUINNESS?  MERLIN???  IMA???

I was asleep!

I plead the Fifth!

Why, Dr. Leaky, I take umbrage at your insinuation!!  The nerve!  As if I would EVER intercept the UPS man with packages marked for Dr. Beau Leaky.  Of course, though, any package marked "Melvin Belli" is fair game - after all, Melvin IS dead!

Really?  I didn't know he was sick.

:crazyeyes:

[peterparker]

dis is Parker: I will takes your legal advice under consideration. I did try the it was the mice but Momma didn't buy it. She says mice don't make wittle doxies fat.  I fink Momma should look in the mirror. 
Der was a few teeth marks on Daddy's drivers licence, but I fink it was the mice that nibbled the corners. It wasn't me.
:headbang:I AM A GOOD BOY!!!!! :verdict:
I will pays in bones, but I don't gets any anymore. I'ms starvin. Would you care for a green beans???

Parker's Mom here:  I think I have a little doxie that is getting too big for his britches. An attitude adjustment may be in order. lol.

[Leslie]

Momma says mice don't make wittle doxies fat. 

Zuzu sez she agrees wiff yer Momma. She can eat at least two before suppah and still eat her whole meal. They make nice appetizers.

[doxielady5569128]

Gweat advice!  I neber fought about da cwate fing making me look so guilty!!!   Now, I jus gotta figure a way to get all my stuff into daddy's sock drawer.   :scratch:  Oh...hey!!  Maybe I could put da stash in da cupboards???  My daddy puts fings in weird pwaces sometimes, so dat could werk right??!  I can pay ya wif da gween beans iffen ya want.   

[Doxherding Karen]

  I can pay ya wif da gween beans iffen ya want.   

Worry not, my little Porkmeister,  I'm always free for you and Parker.  The publicity you two generate is worth everything!!

The "Doc" :thumb: