I'm embarassed and scared right now, I need your help and support. I'm sorry this is long, but my heart is in pieces and I don't know what to do!
Anyway, Jarrett and I have been together for almost a year. He has decided to re-home Koby and Tiff, the dachshunds. You all might remember us posting a bit over the sumer when the board was in it's OLD format. Anyway, Jarrett feels like a fool and a bad person for ‘ruining’ his dogs to the point of where they are now. He totally understands how this is all HIS fault. It used to be that he was worried about placing the dogs and him getting screwed and dogless if we broke up.
But, more recently he has seen that this issue has NOTHING to do with me. Of course I can’t stand to live that way (and blah blah you know the story), but REGUARDLESS of whether I’m in the picture or not; he needs to make a personal choice whether he is truly happy living in a house of filth. Keeping Koby and Tiff should and now does NOT have anything to do with our relationship. WHEW!
I explained to him that I can not be with a man who sees nothing wrong with living the lifestyle that he has for almost 6 years. I don’t want to change him, but I want him to understand that his living conditions are disgusting and unacceptable even to the most normal person. I think it’s sad and bad and wrong that he’s turned his dogs into monsters and now they are worthless as we know it to be a ‘pet’, but people are sometimes bad and ignorant, and we all make mistakes! I told him that it is my decisions to NOT allow my life to go in the path with the type of man he was showing himself to be! I know he's not white trash, but the condition of his house is the type where really poor, nasty, and trashy people live. I take pride in my life and my belongings, and I told him if he doesn't then he's the wrong man for me!
So, not only does his life suffer because he has two untrained WILD ANIMALS in his house (literally like adopting an indoor raccoon for a pet!). But, ever since the crate has been implemented they spend 22 of their 24 hours a day in the cage together. This is also NOT FAIR to them. No one is winning in this situation.
Jarrett and I REALLY do want to be together, and I’m glad that he is TOTALLY seeing that I’m not asking him to choose his dogs or me. But, I am asking him to be upfront with the type of person and lifestyle that he wants to live. I value all of my hard work and money that went into my education, that has worked towards a nice salary to buy nice things, not just for it to be urinated and defecated on. Not how I can live!
Most sadly, and as an animal lover and an animal scientist, I have learned that animals are ANIMALS. No animal is worth what has been done in this situation. No animal should ever become such a pushover as what happened in this situation. We are human beings, and we are the dominate race and it should be our responsibility to MANAGE our pets.. not invite ANIMALS into our homes. It is sad when we has humans fail to make ANIMALS into pets, but like I said people make terrible mistakes.
Luckily Jarrett can feel some pride in that he knows SO MUCH MORE about how to be a good dog owner and that love is also saying NO and setting limits. He knows that there are ‘good’ dog foods and they don’t come from the grocery store. He understands that crate training is really best for the animal. He knows you can’t take the lazy way out and buy a doggie door and ‘hope’ that they go outside. He also knows how to dremel the nails (not that he ever did, I always did..lol).
Jarrett has learned and I am proud of him for that. I am so sorry that it was at the expense of two innocent creatures, but Jarrett has learned.
Sorry to ramble on, but I just don’t feel like the average dog owner that is wanting to give up easily and dump off their problems. I hope you see that we have tried everything to a very extreme limit. It has nearly ruined our relationship, and the foundation for the relationship that I am still forming with his mother. Yes, his mother is MORE of a pushover than Jarrett!
Jarrett and I have decided to relocate outside of Tallahassee once I get my internship started and wrapped up, as I will be the one with the degree and securing my job takes precedence. Selling his house is still a ways off (but less than a year), but just over the weekend we ripped up the carpet in the living room and replaced it with Pergo. We are trying to do little by little to get the house in a decent condition. I am including pics of the house for you to see. It is so unsanitary that if Jarrett and I were to have a child, the state would take the baby away because of filthy unsafe conditions.
As we were ripping up the carpet and the baseboards, Jarrett’s familiar phrase of “They haven’t had an accident in over 6 months” was quickly shot down. In the insides of the baseboards, it was still soaked with urine and still wet from who knows when the last “accident” was. There were bald spots in the carpet where repeated urination has burned holes in it.
I feel so bad because the dogs are NEVER allowed out of their kennel for more than an hour or so a day, and he is SO GOOD now about taking them out and has had so much repetition and praise with them. The concept is just not sticking and we can’t afford them to ruin new flooring. It’s not even flooring that we get to enjoy, we’re laying it so that someone would be more eager to buy this house.
Obviously, the dogs HAVE HAD ACCIDENTS and it was VERY RECENTLY (of which I ALREADY knew b/c stains are stains but new pee pee is a stain with a smell and stickiness). They are already a breed that is difficult to potty train (BUT Jarrett never did his research and read that 6 years ago, as that's all I read when I spent just 5 minutes looking them up myself). And now as nearly senior aged dogs, this concept is not something we cannot teach them or try to teach them anymore. And I feel my training is better than the average joes!
Jarrett TRUELY thought that they were pee and accident free and that I just hated the dogs for what they USED TO DO! He really thought they were reformed little angels (because of our hard workd), but the proof was in the pudding (when we removed the carpet) and my words were really put to life then. It's baffling how dogs that are contantly in the cage manage to soak up baseboards and burn holes in the carpet in the 1-2 hours that they are allowed out in TOTAL SUPERVISION. So after really having faith in those dogs, giving them all the benefit of the doubt and nearly a YEAR of contant hard core traing.. NOTHING HAS CHANGED.. he saw that with a very loudand clear blow over the weekend.
I have emailed a zillion dachshund rescue places. There all full, I wonder why!
Jarrett has set a goal of re-homing them soon (thank GOD!), but I just don’t know what to do really. In my mind, the dachshunds really are not fit for being ‘pets’ anymore. They should be settling down on senior dog food as their chins start to lighten with graying hair, not being thrown thru doggie obedience camp like they have for the last year. I think it’d be great if they were never in someone’s house, so if a new owner had a lot of land it would be nice. But, let’s face it these dogs are not outside dogs either. They think they are perfectly normal pets and still want to be up on the bed and couch (but pee on it too!).
I will try to contact more rescue groups and I know there's a no kill shelter in Jacksonville, 2 hours away. If I have to I will take them there. I just don't want to take them to our local shelter because they are WAYYYYY to much to handle for some 'single' mom that wants to get her little daughter some cute dogs. I would fear for the life the dachshunds would get then: bounced from home to home and possibly abused and beaten!
Jarrett is such a pushover with EVERYTHING, dogs, his family.. ALL OF IT! It's no wonder he's 31 and single.. I know he's my bf and that's bad to say, and I love him, but it's true. This is not acceptable, to even a 'trashy' person. That is why I really struck a cord with him when I said I could care less whether I'm his girlfriend or not, but I seriously question his character to have allowed this to happen!
I know Koby and Tiff are only 2 dogs, but this situation is like animal hoarding b/c animal hoarders think they are doing what's best for the dog by saving it, but this is NOT WHAT IS BEST! CLEARLY!
I don’t want to just drop them off at the humane society here b/c I don’t want Mr. & Mrs. Smith to buy them and dump ‘em in a week. As much as I hate these dogs for what Jarrett has done to them, I do care about them. They are still God's creatures! These dogs have serious issues that I think a professional trainer would have strong reserves about reforming as well!
Also, it has been brought to my attention that no kill shelters offer more than a cage for them for the rest of their life. We all know there is more to life than living, and being stuffed in a cage like a bird rippiing out it's feathers in utter boredom is SELFISH thinking. So, I even think a no kill shelter is not the answer.
Jarrett has agreed that I should be the one to take them wherever it is we decide to take them, as it would be too hard on him to see them go. Also, I’m not working and he is, so if I need to drive like 7 hours I could. Problem is, I just don’t know who to contact or what would be the best home for them? Honestly, should they be put to sleep? I wouldn’t want to lie to Jarrett, but for his protection if putting them to sleep was the best option.. instead of them being thrown from house to house and possibly getting abused by someone’s frustrations, I would be willing to look into doing that as well.
The more I think, the more I feel like euthanasia is the ONLY way. Any other way would be SELFISH on Jarrett's part for the dachshunds. They are no longer pets, there were victems of a benign neglect, and they have to pay the ultimate consuquence for his "love" and lack of limits for them.
Please please help me. Koby and Tiff have not led an abused day in their life. Until within the last year, they’ve never been told 'no', and they have been the constant center of attention. Jarrett understands completely that he has ruined and destroyed these innocent dogs into monsters, and he is so depressed and upset about the whole thing that this is now my responsibility and my way to help him.
I want to mention that Jarrett owns a professional carpet steam cleaner. So, what you see is not really 6 years of urine in the pictures, this is actually the most ‘recent’ damage! It's no wonder that Murphy never just peed on the floor. After knowing what I know and having actual proof when the carpet was pealed back, I am just amazed that Murphy knew better! Poor Murphy has suffered so much thru all of this too.. confusion with the carpet is just a beginning! The attacks from his dogs for NO REASON.. I mean, I’m sure you know the story already!
I do want to do something soon, because it’s just killing him and breaking his heart just within this last day of him making the decision, looking at his dogs and knowing that he has done the worse thing ever to them: he’s let them down and they will have an unknown future because of it.
Thanks,
Emily
please see update in general writings section
http://www.wienerwritings.com/forum/index.php?topic=712.0
Thanks.