Porky Pie here at DOX News to bring you da latest weport on some wesearch being conducted by a local pair of dachshunds. These two scientists, came up with the brilliant idea to see just how easy it is to screw up a hooman's sleep schedule and studied da consequences. Here are the results, although I must first gib my discwaimer so da lawyers got us cobered.
DOX News does neither support nor disagree with da findings of dis new study. We remain completely neutral on the issue and ask that no one tries this at home. This study was done by two pwofessionals in a contwolled and safe enviroment. If in fact you do choose to conduct a study of your own, use EXTREME CAUTION and follow all the saftey guidelines!!!
Okay...Now dats outta da way...Here we Go!!! Scientists, Porky Pie and Senor Sven Bandito Fon Frito Rodriguez, have conducted their study for the last two months. While they were both in seperate locations, they both experienced similar results in their own labs. The results were two hoomans were compwetely screwed up by da sweep alterwations, one hooman was compwetely unwesponsive to any and all stimuli while asleep, and anodder hooman babbled incoherently.
The experiment began by Porky Pie, laying in bed wif his gwandma and he had a gweat idea. While laying there, he decided he wasn't tired. Howeber, he didn't want to roam da house alone. So, He started making smacking lips with his mouf and performed incessant licking on da subject until she awoke. Da result was she took him to get a drink of water. Eureka!!! :apls:
Senor Sven Bandito decided to expand da experiment to see how many times he could get away wif it in one night. Da most times he suceeded in one night was 10.
Dere were some unforseen side effects howeber of dere experiment. One, all dat dwinking leads to REALLY having a need, if you understand what I'm getting at. :wink: Two, some hoomans are unwilling or unable to participate. For example, when attempting dese techiques on Unka Ty, he was unresponsive and "slept like a log" throughout de entire test. :BangHead: Also, Porky's daddy was unable to participate because upon "waking" him, he would babble incoherent fings and confuse and distwact da scientists. :doah: Thus, he was sleep talking.
Anodder more scawy side effect was, iffen da hooman can't sweep at night, dey want to sweep in da day. Which twanswates to "No Walkies for YOU!" Also, dey get grumpy. Da scientists concwude dat world domination frough hooman sleep depwavation would be a possible and viable option. Howeber, it should be attempted carefully!!!
So there you have it folks. One last disclaimer. DOX news can not be held responsible for any offense caused by da name of Senor Sven Bandito. We can't help it he's a German, Mexican, Swedish, American!
Stay tuned for da next experiment, Da Fakeout!! Coming in two weeks. :grin:
:heart: Porky Pie
Oh Porky, I think Bonita was trying that experiment too. She sits on the big bed and whines until I, the momma, gets up to let her outside. This can happen a couple times in one night. The biggest side effect was a very grumpy momma. I mean really grumpy. :cussing: Mommas need their sleep. I can hardly wait to heard about the results of your next experiment.
Annie & the New Jersey Doxie Gang (Bonita, Oscar & Trooper)
Well Porky if you have a big Doberman aka Buddy this morning he pokes his momma in the eye to wake her up with his long pointy nose. He has also barked in the momma's ear, yawned ,growled ,& whined.
Patches approach is different since she gets to sleep in the big bed with the momma she just runs up & down the momma's body which does wake her up every time. If any one wants to try these methods do so at your own risk not responsible for any or no results. Patches.
Yes really sad the Buddy does not get to sleep in the big bed because he is too big.
Porky, have you been spying into OUR big bed? Miss Madderoo is well aware of this experiment and conducts it almost every EARLY morning. it can start as early as 2:00 and goes like this: Maddie pops out of the covers and then starts squeaking...and sqeaking....AND SQUEAKING until Mommy wakes up and puts her down for either a drink of water or a trip outside or both. On most mornings, this activity starts at 4:30-5:00 with the assumption that "since I'm up anyway, mommy, how about if you feed me." The earliest the mommy has given in to the brain conditioning has been 5:25. After the FUD is presented, which means Bonnie wants up too, then we all go back to bed and stay until the REAL alarm goes off at 5:50 (weekdays). We know ALL about this experiment. Maddie dear, wouldn't it be nice if you could sleep until the alarm goes off?
"I could mommy, but as we dachshund like to say, 'WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?'"
Quote from: Madderoos Mom on February 14, 2009, 05:18:23 PM
Porky, have you been spying into OUR big bed? Miss Madderoo is well aware of this experiment and conducts it almost every EARLY morning. it can start as early as 2:00 and goes like this: Maddie pops out of the covers and then starts squeaking...and sqeaking....AND SQUEAKING until Mommy wakes up and puts her down for either a drink of water or a trip outside or both. On most mornings, this activity starts at 4:30-5:00 with the assumption that "since I'm up anyway, mommy, how about if you feed me." The earliest the mommy has given in to the brain conditioning has been 5:25. After the FUD is presented, which means Bonnie wants up too, then we all go back to bed and stay until the REAL alarm goes off at 5:50 (weekdays). We know ALL about this experiment. Maddie dear, wouldn't it be nice if you could sleep until the alarm goes off?
"I could mommy, but as we dachshund like to say, 'WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?'"
Didn't ya know, Maddie is one of our premier scientists??!
Quote from: AnnieofNJ on February 13, 2009, 10:05:22 AM
Oh Porky, I think Bonita was trying that experiment too. She sits on the big bed and whines until I, the momma, gets up to let her outside. This can happen a couple times in one night. The biggest side effect was a very grumpy momma. I mean really grumpy. :cussing: Mommas need their sleep. I can hardly wait to heard about the results of your next experiment.
Annie & the New Jersey Doxie Gang (Bonita, Oscar & Trooper)
Dat gweat dat Bonita is making use of da stand and whine technique. i find dat is one of da bestest ways to quickly wake da momma. It comes in second to da tongue in ear technique. :2funny:
Quote from: papbouv on February 13, 2009, 10:38:27 PM
Well Porky if you have a big Doberman aka Buddy this morning he pokes his momma in the eye to wake her up with his long pointy nose. He has also barked in the momma's ear, yawned ,growled ,& whined.
Patches approach is different since she gets to sleep in the big bed with the momma she just runs up & down the momma's body which does wake her up every time. If any one wants to try these methods do so at your own risk not responsible for any or no results. Patches.
Yes really sad the Buddy does not get to sleep in the big bed because he is too big.
I fink our institute could use da "expertease" of Buddy AND Patches. Imagine what a team like dem could do?! :apls: :meme: :headbang:
dis is Parker: Momma says I sleeps like a log. I nevers wake up the Momma, cause if I do, I get plopped out of the big warm bed for the rest of the nights. I lubs sleepin with Momma. When she gets up, I always roll over on my back for my mornin belly rubbins. That's when I know it's time to gets the show on the road.
Hummmm.... Porky, this is Auntie Terri. Have you recruited Buelah to test your theory's? I ask this because she has recently decided that after getting up at night and going DOWN the ramp she comes back and refuses to go UP the ramp. She sits by my side of the bed and cries until I get out of bed and pick her up and put her on the bed. Of course, any other time she is just fine with the ramp. Yes Sweet Porky-Pie, I think that Miss Buelah Sanders must be on your payroll.
Quote from: TerriL on February 16, 2009, 10:55:56 AM
Hummmm.... Porky, this is Auntie Terri. Have you recruited Buelah to test your theory's? I ask this because she has recently decided that after getting up at night and going DOWN the ramp she comes back and refuses to go UP the ramp. She sits by my side of the bed and cries until I get out of bed and pick her up and put her on the bed. Of course, any other time she is just fine with the ramp. Yes Sweet Porky-Pie, I think that Miss Buelah Sanders must be on your payroll.
I can neidder confirm nor deny da participation or contwibution of your Buelah in our latest study. :grin: (PSST...Do I look guilty?!) :grin: For security reasons, we do have a few "secwet" participants and researchers scattered throughout da country. They work for a so called "secret agency" dat may or may not be in existence. :wink: However, I can imform you that her actions are eben furder proof dat our research is impacting da lives of dogs all ober da countwy.
:heart: Porky Pie
Oh, Porky Pie!! Thank you soooo much for not hiring my EmmyLou... She sleeps like a log herself... She grumbles when it is time for me to wake up and get the kids off to school.. Yep, she stays right there under the covers until she is forced to go outside.. Then when I get back, we snuggle and watch the news... She usually goes back to sleep quickly.. Then grumbles some more when it is time to actually get up and start our day.. Or, is it that she is testing the opposite??? :thinik: Either way, I am very glad she doesn't wake me... :headbang: She really is a princess..