Dis is Porky Pie 'portin for DOX News. Due to da bad economic sitiation, DOX news can no longer bring a daily news alert, da format has now been changed to a once a monf format. :dontknow: Sorry for any inconbeaniance. Now...onto da news. Da following are some Chwistmas time saftey tips. Many of dem, I have learned myself da had way. Bandy helped me compile dis list as well. Enjoy.....
1. Contrawy to popular beweif, watering da twee (wif doxie water) will not help it gwow faster. 'Specially iffen its an artificial twee. Pwus it will result in anger of da hooman wace. Just SAY NO to watering da twee. Dis tip is fwom Bandit.
2. Iffen you lib in a cold climate be careful whe yous go out to potty. Make sure all paws are clear fwom da stweam of "water". Failing to do so will wesult in your paws getting stuck to da cement and causing da mamas to fweak out and dump warm water on your paw. :idiot: Dis i know fwom experience.
3. Iffen you lib in a warm climate, avoid falling asweep, belly up, in da sun. Dis will wesult in a painful sunburn. Hey, don't take my advice, you're onwy hurtin' youself. :nana:
4. Unwapping pwesents, while fun, can also be dangerous. Dat stoopid tape stuff can and will ebentually get stuck to your nose or paws. So open carefuwwy.
5. Contwary to popular bewief dose pwetty wed flowers don't taste good. Pwus, iffen you twy dem your hooman will take you to da vet and da vet will stick dis fing down your froat and pump dis black stuff into your tummy. Not fun!!! I learned dis one firsthand too. Lucky I onwy took one small wittle bite.
6. Injesting dose fancy blinky lights will not make you tummy blink. :doah: It onwy gibs you a funny electwic feewing. :ambulance: Also it will earn you a twip to da vet to make sure you will lib fwom it. Dis tip brought to you by Jade. She jus' did dis two days ago. :rolleyes:
7. Da twee will not magicawy bounce back up iffen you and a fwiend accidentally knock it down while wrestlin unda da tweee. Knocking down da twee results in bwoken ormaments, possible injuwies, and some more yelling fwom da hoomans. Just wrestle carefuwwy okay? oh, and not unda da twee.
8. Sweeping unda da twee on Chwistmas Eve does not make Santa come faster or bwing more tweats. Santa Paws pwefers we sweep soundly in our own bed or wif our hoomans. He sez we need a good west to pwepare for all da unwapping. Pwus, he doesn't like getting bit in da butt when he startles us awake. :doah:
9. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TRY DIS ONE!!!! Iffen your hoomans won't get up on Chwistmas morning, do not wake dem wif da doxie water. Dis onwy makes dem made and all your pwessies will vanish. :dontknow: You'll wegwet not taking my advice on dis one.
10. Iffen you starts opening your pwessies early....your mama may or may not wewap dem. Iffen she does wewap dem, da pwessie will not be different each time you unwap it. Trust me, I tried 15 times last year. I waited and waited for dat dumb sweater to magically change into a nice rawhide or a Bobo. Neber happened! Each time I opened da darn fing, it was still a dumb ol' sweater!! :BangHead: Da wesulting head banging will gib yous a headache.
So, I hope you follow my safety tips and hab a Happy Healfy Holiday. And for dose of you dunder heads still wondering....NO MY DA HOOMANS DID PUT ME UP TO DIS TO FOOL YOU!!! DO NOT TWY DESE!!!! I ALWEADY TOLD YOU WAT WOULD HAPPEN IFFEN YOU DO!!!
Until, next monf, dis has been Porky Pie wif DOX News. :angel4: I been good Santy Paws, I pwomise. :grin: :grin: :angel4: Um...do ya beweive me??!
:wink: :thumb: :grin: :angel4: How bout now???? Okay, okay, I been moderately good. :grin: Well, fine here's da troof... I been as good as I could!
dis is Parker....dis is my very first Christmas.....is all new to me. Your safety tips will come in handy. Ims concerned about that "swetter pwsent". Do only bad doxies get swetters? I been good boy, I better not get a swetter. I thnks i'm getting a new bed to sweep on during the day (at night I sweep under da cubbers in the big bed).
Quote from: peterparker on December 16, 2008, 11:31:44 AM
dis is Parker....dis is my very first Christmas.....is all new to me. Your safety tips will come in handy. Ims concerned about that "swetter pwsent". Do only bad doxies get swetters? I been good boy, I better not get a swetter. I thnks i'm getting a new bed to sweep on during the day (at night I sweep under da cubbers in the big bed).
Hey dude, about dat sweater. I gots dat fwom Fwosty da Snowman and I was a good boy for da whole year!!! Dis Frosty dude likes to gib dumb gifs like dat ebery year. For my firstest Cwistmas he gab me a toofbwush! :crazyeyes: So, don't eber open any gifs fwom dat guy.
dis is Parker: I will be very careful about frosty pwsents. I also heard a rumer that pwsents from grama's is very riskie too. Is that tru?? Dis Christmas bizness is very confusin. And also does you take the papers off the pwesents right away, or leave them. Is hard to play wif squekers that has papers on them. I thinks I'm goin to do some more snoopins.
Parker,
Some of da gwanny pwesents can be scery, but my gwannies gib me da bestest pressies!!! :headbang: Dey gibs me da homemade bwankies, tweats, extra squeaky squeakers, and dat wiggly-giggly ball fing. :apls: So it all depends on how much your gwanny lubs ya iffen ya get da good stuff fwom her or not. Pwus yous do gotta get off all dat paper dude. Have fun wif da snoopin. Look for a loooong package and dats a Bobo, da coolest pwezzie eber!!!!
Great safety tips, Porky. I'll be sure the Gang sees them. Trooper is the one that pulled the Christmas tree down two times one Christmas. He got in a lot of trouble over that. Trooper also ate some of those red flowers and got very sick. It was a good thing I worked for a vet so I didn't have to make an emergency visit to the office.
I think, if all the puppers follow your safety rules, they will have a very Merry Christmas.
Annie & the New Jersey Doxie Gang
Injesting dose fancy blinky lights will not make you tummy blink.
I roared at that one. Porky, I love your Dox News. You are a riot!
LOLOLOLOLOL! Porky, you are a character! Thanks for the tips.... I will be sure to make sure that Buelah, Oscy, Bella, and Baby Bea hear ALL of your Holiday rules!
Porky, You had me laughing so hard I could barely read this to Randy. Then he was laughing even harder. I was trying to tell him how funny you can be and how many "adventures" you have. He, too, is amazed that you have managed to live to tell most of them . I told him you have to live through them, that is how you give such great advice.
I think I'll print this Christmas Rule list out. It is a keeper!!
:2funny: :chairfall: :2funny: Porky, we all just love you so much :heart: :heart: