Tommie went to heaven on Monday, 21 July 2008 at 11:05.
He first got sick in October 2007 and was operated on 5 October 2007 when a highly aggressive sarcoma was removed from his belly. He recovered 100% and was doing great!
Eight months later.
During the night of 8 June 2008 he woke me up by standing on my chest with his front paws, arched back, belly spasms and in severe pain. He crawled into my neck for help. I rolled him in my warm jacket and picked him up carefully, after giving him some Rymadil, I went and lay on the couch with him lying on my chest. I massaged his back gently, singing softly to him. The Rimadyl kicked in and he calmed down and relaxed and eventually fell asleep.
That morning on 9 June 2008 I took him to my vet because of what I thought, was typical back symptoms. He diagnosed that the cancer was back, and he did'nt even pay attention to my request regarding the back issue.
He operated and removed the tumor, on which he told me that the cancer has spread to the liver and spleen.
We went home. We all stayed in bed with him for 2 solid days. He just slept and recovered from the operation. I fed him warm sweet tea every to hours, and water also to keep him hydrated. I liquidized his food which he ate with gusto. After day 3 he was strong enough to get up. My boy seemed to be doing great from there. He played, chewed on his favourite hooves and started chasing my toes as usual!
After about a week he started limping on this left front paw, just a slight limp though. I took him to my vet who did'nt even check his back or neck for pain reflexes and said it was arthritis!. He was just so blazé it's sickening!
So the whole week I took him to my vet (I had no other option????) for cage rest during the day, since my boss turned nasty on me and not wanting my babes to come to the office anymore.
He was happy and blissfull as usual, bright eyes, vibrant spirit and "in over-all good health". He was still slightly limping but suddenly last weekend he got totally paralysed in that same leg. Now he had much difficulty in walking, so I carried him outside to pp and do business. He was very sensitive in his neck, legs and I could'nt pick him up, I had to use a pillow to take him outside! It happened twice and I actually yelled at God to help him..... But with the Rymadil he seemed to be doing just fine, so I kept him confined and comfortable and warm.
But it worsened suddenly the next day, which was last Friday, the 18th. He got paralysed in the other front leg as well, and his left hind leg also showed signs of lameness. So I immediately called that excellent orthopaedic surgeon in Pretoria that did Simson's back 4 years ago, and told him Tommie's whole history. Since he don't operate over weekends, and he only could see me first thing Monday morning.
Somehow in my very deepest deep heart, I just knew. The whole weekend we 5 spent together in the winter sun, I supported him by standing over him, holding his chest in my hands, if he wanted to do business. He was shy, I could tell. His dignity was taken away. The Rimadyl kept him pain free and he was actually happy! I fed them all raw shin, mutton neck, butter cookies - all his favourites. He attacked his shin bone but could'nt hold it down with his paw, so I held him upright between my stretched-out legs, and held the bone for him to rip the meat off. He had a feast! He went to church in the carry-bag with me on Sunday and he enjoyed all the attention. His spirit was so vibrant and alive! He wanted to live and chase birds and rats!
Since I'm working my notice month, I'm not entiteled to take leave and my boss snared at me when I asked her for 1 day's leave. I just thought "Well, f...ck you, I'm going". And so I did.
We left Monday 2 am, the two of us for a 5-hour trip. I have an old-time feather blanket and he was snuggeld in it next to me. I fought against extreme tiredness that wanted to overwhelm me, and about every 5 minutes I would roll down the window to get splashed by the cold winter air in my face.
We arrived safely at around 6:30 am and went for coffee at a nearby diner. We sat there together, he in the carry-bag around by body, longing to chase the little birds that fed on the crumbs in the parking-lot.
The good Dr examined him and took an X-ray first that revlealed nothing. Then he did a full-body sonar that revealed nothing. The was NO cancer nowhere!!!!! Then we had to wait for about 2 hours before he did the myelogram.
We sat outside in the car, watching the traffic. He was so peaceful and we just enjoyed being close together. There was a parrot in the waiting area and Tommie wanted him for breakfast!!! If only he could walk, he would have had his breakfast!!! Neither of us realizing that 30 minutes later he would be gone.
The Dr was so kind and compassionate, he let me carry Tommie into the theatre and while I held my boy close, he gently put on the drip and then gave anaesthetics for the myelogram. Tommie was so peaceful and he just snuggled into me. He fell asleep. I went outside to wait. After about 20 mintues the Dr called me in. And there it was showing on the myelogram, a tumor on the inside of his spinal cord in his neck. That's what been causing all the pressure and the paralysis. He said it could easily been removed if on the outside, but is was nestled inside. He said he could put Tommie on cortisone that will reduce the swelling, and he'll be fine for about 2-3 weeks, but then it'll be the same thing. Together we decided that it was the kindest option to let him go. So while still under anaestethics, I held my boy and he gave the injection. Oh man. What I felt is undescribable. I held his lifeless body in my arms, squeezing every drop of love I have into him.
I asked him to organise for me that his body can be creamated immediately, since I had to drive back the same day. So I drove with my boy (snuggled in the feather blanket next to me) through the haze of tears. My brother navigated me over the phone, otherwise I would have never found the place. The most wonderful people awaited me at Envirocin. I took my little red prince in my arms and walked up to the crematorium. There was a smallish, clean oven and after my final goodbye, I laid him down inside the oven, stroking his sweet face and body one last time. Then the man closed the door and said it would take about 40 minutes. Then he switched on the engine. I don't know what I felt at that point.
After about 1 hour he came into the office with Tommie's ashes, neatly in a plastic bag in a small Meranti wooden box. This was just too much for me for one day, but I had to go on.
See this wonderful place's website www.envirocin.co.za.
I drove to my brother and spent some time there before driving back. I really did'nt know I had so much tears and emotion in me.
That night 6:30 I walked into my house, after driving 1000 km for the day and bearing all it had for me. I miss my boy SO much. Simson is suffering - he and Tommie were best buddies. Jessie and Heino are inseperable, and they seem to be OK, but whenever Simson wants some attention from Jessie, she's kinda igonores him. And Heino and Simson are not pals. So it's really difficult, we're all unsettled right now.
I know that all of us will be together again, our family chain is now broken, but it will be linked again.
Thanks for listening. Other people just have no clue....
You did the bravest thing in his life, you gave him peace. I know how you feel and time does heal, but they never ever leave you, I never knew I or Nick could cry so much the night we lost Angus. My mum has always saysto grieve you must love.
Just remember you did all you could, and you will meet again. He was a very brave little man, and he knew he was and still is loved for all time, so live your life to honour him. We got Amy a lot earlier than planned as Oliver fretted so much.
Love and hugs and remember to talk about him as no one ever dies till they are forgotten..............
Roberta
Tommie was blessed to have such a good friend and companion. You did the right thing, when nothing could help him, he had a dignified death. When your turn comes, you won't get no where near the consideration that Tommie got. I had to do the same thing to my boy Simon, cancer got the better of him and I had to put him down. I cried like a baby and I ain't ashamed to admit it.
Lauri, my heart is breaking for you. You did the most selfless thing imaginable - you gave him life hereafter, pain free and vibrant. He will watch over you, until you will see him waiting for you at the Bridge. My eyes well up with tears.....I know we all have to go through this - but it is way to hard. Godspeed sweet Tommie.....you suffer no more....
Your story of Tommie brings tears to my eyes.... :comfort: :heart: :heart: :pray:
This just brings tears to my eyes. He knows you loved him SO much and did the right thing. I'm sure he is watching over you as we speak. Please know we are here for you whenever you want to talk. Soft hugs your way. :comfort:
Lauri, it was so heartbreaking to read about what Tommie and you went through. You did the right thing for Tommie and you were such a strong and brave woman to stick with him through the whole ordeal. I know it gave Tommie comfort to know you were there. You are right, most people have no clue how difficult and heartbreaking this is. :heart:
I know your heart is breaking with the loss of Tommie. I think it helps to talk about him and remember all the love and good times you had. Know that you are in my prayers, and keep the knowledge that you two will be reunited.
Darcel
I have tears in my eyes after reading about your brave, strong little guy! :comfort: I'm so sorry you had to go through losing him. It is soo hard to lose a friend like that! You did the right thing by letting him go when you did. We will be sending our prayers of comfort from Nebraska. :pray:
I think my heart is breaking almost as much as yours is. What a moving story, and what a terrible tragedy that you had to go through alone! You are VERY brave and have more strength than you realize. I'm also praying for you and Jess, Heino and Simson you will all get through this together and with your friends here. We all care about you so much and will miss Tommie too.
This reminds me of my own experience with Roscoe-Angel. :crybaby2:
It's like being caught unaware by a tornado, or a hurricane or a train wreck - landing in your living room. One minute life is normal and the next minute it is out of your control.
Remember, Heaven is where everyone who loves you and who you loved - people, puppers and pets of every size and shape - meets you when you die.
Love - Karen and The Herd :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Lauri, I am so so sorry that all of this has happened. My heart is just breaking for you. Your love for your sweet boy comes through in every word you have written. You are in my prayers as you mourn and begin to heal. I lost my little guy a month ago and it takes time. Cry all you need and let your other furkids bring you comfort. Believe me, they will. Let us know how your doing.
With tears in my eyes, know that Tommie is watching over you and the Bratpak. It's so hard and all that I would have said has been said by others here. Tommie and you have very brave souls that have linked and someday you will be together again. Hugs and prayers come your way from all of us. Dee, Dave, Sarge & Duggie
Thank you for sharing Tommie's story. I know how hard that is. I cried when you first posted he passed, and now I am bawling for your loss. Tommie was and is, very loved. It was hard to do, but you offered him release from that pain. Look for your memories of Tommie and try to remember the good times more than the not-so-good. Thank you for doing what was best for him, as hard as that is. :comfort:
My heart breaks after reading of your experience. You gave Tommie the relief that he deserves. I know that it is a horrible experience to make that decision, but you did the right thing for him. I had to make the same choice for my sweet Jimmy angel and I think of him everyday. Our thoughts are with you. :pray:
Thank you for telling Tommie's story it is very hard to let them go but at least we have that option for them they can be free from pain running to their hearts content. I'm sure he is watching over you he was blessed to have such a brave caring Mom you did what was right for him. Know your heart is breaking at least for us that believe one day we will meet our Furkids at Rainbow Bridge and once again be together forever..
Hugs to you RIP Tommie
Papbouv
Lauri, my heart is breaking for you also. Tommie was so brave and so very lucky to have you as his mom. You did a very brave and unselfish act of love and kindness. Tommie is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge. God Bless you, Jess, Heino and Simson.
Thank you so much for sharing Tommie's story with us. I am typing this with tear running down my face. You are the most honorable of mommies to know when to let your little one go. It was time for Tommie. You honored that wish. You are special. We love you.
Sandi
oh I am so sorry and I can honestly tell you I have been in your shoes. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. :love9: :love9:
What a hearbreaking and loving story. Tommie must have been proud to have such a brave mom - he was very lucky, that's for sure. As you go through this painful mourning process, know that we are all here for you. You WILL come out the other side, remembering mostly the good times. :comfort:
Tommie was quite the fighter. He'll be missed by all of us.
Thank you for sharing Tommie's story. He may be gone from this place; but, he will always be in your heart.
The grief will pass; but, the memories will remain. My thoughts and prayers are with you.