Well, my daughter Miriam and her husbnd Noah and two of their four kids moved into my basement the last of April, when I was recovering from hand surgery and a mini-sroke. They had been planning on moving in since last December, to save money while she is in college.
NOW, I'm about to have a MAJOR STROKE! They are completely irresponsible parents, who behave horribly! Last week, he had a tantrum and as a result of his childish behavior, one of the rabbits got her dew claw ripped off (probably caught on the carpet). When I finally got fed up and told him that his behavior was pathetic and he shouldn't take it out on a rabbit, he blew up at me in front of three of his kids (ages 6, 4, and 2) and yelled at me, "what kind of grandmother are you, you wouldn't give your granddaughter any cereal, and you let your husband beat and abuse your kids!"
O.K., I'm a recovering stroke survivor. But I don't get the connection between my ex-husband (from whom I've been divorced since 2001), my not giving cereal to a granddaughter without her mom or dad okaying it, and the rabbit getting her dew claw ripped off! Can anyone help me on this one?
Now, Chapter 47 of my book, Hush, Hush, Sweet Miriam, is about how she and Noah refuse to secure the outer gate across the driveway. This is, you may recall, after 20 HOURS OF HELL WORRYING ABOUT BEAU AND MERLIN, who would never have escaped from the property had that gate been secured the way I have secured it ever since those dogs arrived here last October!
I told her I am moving the gate to the other side of the side door that leads to the basement, and locking access to the back yard. She threatened to ensure that all her four sisters will cut me off if I do that. Oh, really?
Well. . .too bad. The gate's getting moved and locked. If that's how my children feel, I am sorry. But dachshund lives are too short to put up with nonsense like that from my kids.
This is just a nightmare. They plan on living here until June 2010. OH MY GOD, I'M GOING INSANE NOW!! Three more years???!!! Someone PLEASE wake me up!
Karen :BangHead:
Photo One is my daughter's idea of secured, with enough room for the dogs to get through
Photo Two is my son-in-law's idea of closing the gate earlier today - NOT!
Photos Three and Four are my daughters idea of securing the chain around the gate earlier today.
Have you ever heard of the concept of tough love? Consideration is a two way street. Children or not, if they are adults it is time they learned responsibility. Kick the bums out!
Karen,
This isn't doing your health any good either. I would be telling son-out-law that either they shape up or they can find new digs and forget about saving money because your heath and the dogs is not worth putting up with them all the time. And you already raised your family and don't plan on raising theirs because they don't have the talent or inclination to do so.
Good Luck!!!!
Merion & the ZZ's
The out law isn't a typo. My brother in law and sister in law who married into this family call our selves the out laws because of course we weren't born into it.
WELL SAID, Rich! I am sorry, Karen, that you are in this mess with your kids but, yes I know they are YOUR human kids, but these freeloaders do NOT impress me. This is YOUR house. That means YOUR rules and if they don't like it, then they can MOVE! I'm sorry hun, but it really sounds like they are taking advantage here.
You know, I totally agree with all the others on this board that have responded to your post. It may be hard to tell them to take a hike and find their own place. But, your life would be so much better without them there. Its not really hard to secure and close a gate properly, I'm not sure why they are fighting you on it so much. Definately make sure they know that you are the boss not the other way around. Good Luck!! :comfort: Hope things get better soon!!
I agree to tell them it is my way or the high way but then since they do not care to follow your rules about the gate in the first place would they retaliate and do something to the Doxie's to get back at you.???? Sorry to bring that out on you but it is something you have to consider not unless you have them sign a contract about the rules of your home and I would put in it something about if something happens to the Doxie's they will be blamed or put it in such away they would not want anything to happen to the Doxie's not sure how one might word it. Any ideas out there????? Something to consider.
Papbouv
Sounds to me that they have no respect for your proberty. Tough Love......I agree that i don't think that this helps your health at all. you don't need frustration.
I'm with the rest, they don't ralise what side their bread is buttered.
You have to look out for YOU and the herd then them........keep us posted............tell them we and woofffffffffffers will come and help.
Roberta
Karen, I agree with everyone on this Board also. My parents always told me....IT DIDN'T MATTER HOW OLD i WAS....IF I LIVED IN THEIR HOUSE....THEN I ABIDED BY THEIR RULES.......That is how it has to be....for your sanity....health....and the lives of your puppers.....I AGREE WITH TOUGH LOVE ALL THE WAY!!! Good Luck!!!!
Four kids and they are living in your basement? What's wrong with this picture? (BTW, where are the other two kids living?) Geez, before Margie and I decided to have just ONE kid, we wanted to make sure we were in a position that we could take care of said kid and keep a roof over our head ourselves. Bringing that many kids into the world without consideration of how you're going to take care of them is irresponsible. Then again, if responsibility was a mandatory requirement to become a parent, we'd have a lot less people becoming parents.
I wouldn't fall for the emotional blackmail that if you do something Miriam and her sisters are going to cut you off. Miriam doesn't speak for all her siblings, and I am sure if you explained the situation to her sisters, they would most likely agree with you. I would lay down the law that it is your house, your rules. It sounds like you are dealing with a very immature couple. Hopefully, you will be granted the wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job in dealing with them...and just maybe they'll see the light.
When I get my syndicated advice column I can retire because there are only three answers that work in any situation. The first one applies to you; the other two to the daughter and SIL when they get their butts kicked out: Here goes, the 3 answers to any advice question (with the exception of the etiquette ones, which I will leave to Miss Manners.):
1) How long ya gonna out up with that s**t?
2) What did you think would happen?
3) Grow up (smack on the back of the head) and realize you are not the center of the universe.
That's what I got. oh and maybe #4) get the locks changed and document everything.
Give them notice TODAY, girlfriend, or you will have another stroke.
Quote from: David C. on July 03, 2007, 06:23:46 AM
Bringing that many kids into the world without consideration of how you're going to take care of them is irresponsible. Then again, if responsibility was a mandatory requirement to become a parent, we'd have a lot less people becoming parents.
Ya know, David, when I meet my maker I am going to ask one question: "Why did you make the ability to breed so easy when parenting is so hard?"
1. I don't understand why Miriam would or should care where the gate is located. It's obvious she and her family can't take the time to properly secure it, so now they don't have to.
2. Because of the HUGE favor you are doing them, they should be falling all over themselves to make sure everything is the way YOU want it. Hmmmm, rent just went up to $1500 per month.
3. You might want to discuss the situation with the local police. That way you know your rights and what their's might also be in regards to having them move out. (My neighbor's daughter sucessefully pulled the emotional blackmail trick on her parents when she got pregnant at 15 and threatened suicide if they didn't let her 19 yr old drug dealing boyfriend move into her bedroom.) It also would bring attention to a potential domestic issue down the road.
4. Take the high road when possible. It's your life and your home. Be firm and calm and don't sink to screaming and shouting. Then they win because you came down to their level.
If you are such a bad person, perhaps they'd like to go live with your ex....
Karen,
You are not responsible for putting a roof over an adult shild's head. If they don't like the situation there, they can LEAVE. If they are not willing to live by your rules (your house, your rules) they must leave. If you just get tired of having them around, they must leave!
Life is too short. Why put yourself through this needless aggravation? You are no longer responsible for supproting them our helping them in any way. She is married with kids, for Pete's sake! Tell her to woman up, tell her husband to man up, and make them stand on their own two feet and be adults rather than play at it for a change! They obviously don't appreciate what you do for them, so stop doing it!
Wow, how ungrateful after all you are doing. :thinik: :thinik: :thinik: I would be :verdict: :BangHead: then I would tell them :nana: :idiot: they need to stop acting like :binkybaby: :binkybaby: :binkybaby:'s Get off their high :rescue: and they can kiss your :buns: :bootyshake: or they can just gop :blowup:. Or you can keep :fight: with them and end up in a :ambulance:!!!! Keep smilin and fut your feet down!!!!!
Quote from: Mike on July 03, 2007, 06:59:54 AM
If you are such a bad person, perhaps they'd like to go live with your ex....
That one is priceless, Mike. I agree with the others. Once someone is not only expecting you to allow them to live there, but wanting to control how things are done in your home, it is time for them to get their own place. You were generous to provide the opportunity for your daughter to go to college and be able to afford to do it. She has now shown that she hasn't acquired the maturity she needs to meet that goal.
But, really guys, don't hold back. . .tell me how you REALLY feel! LOL
Thanks to one and all for validating me. You all are right about tough love. In fact, this was the only offer of a place to live for them from anyone in the family. And we can all see how well it is going.
So I asked them to move last week and they said no, I would have to evict them. Next stop - renter's court or legal aid to find out how to get them out.
Stay tuned. Updates will follow from time to time.
Karen
WOW--they sound like they are realy rude people. You shouldn't have to evict them. Its your place what you say goes--simple as that. Sounds to me like they are looking to get on your bad side.
How about we get some nasty doxies who chase people (Mutzer in-laws-dog--the reason we almost didn't get into doxies--she chased me out of my own house, needless to say that was it as far as she was concerned) and put oh say a couple of hundred in the back yard so they would get tired of running away from them :rescue: and move on their own. :thumb:
Good luck to you and the herd!!
Merion & the ZZ's
as they have not paid you one dime they are not tenants. Simply arrange to have an officer of the peace come to the house when both will be there with you. Explain in front of the police that they are to leave the premises on such and such date. Provided that daughter is not co-owner or has any legal claim to the house you are in the clear. If they have paid you any money then arrange a contract. When they violate that, then go to renter's court.
Arrange for the police to come back at the appointed time and see them out. Get the locksmith in later that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great advice Leslie!!! I was just typing the same thing about having a police officer come to make them leave when i saw your post.
Quote from: doxielady5569128 on July 03, 2007, 03:20:48 PM
Great advice Leslie!!! I was just typing the same thing about having a police officer come to make them leave when i saw your post.
Thankya thankya very much. :hello2: Right, 'cause that way you have a witness who will facilitate the conversation: "Do you understand what has been said to you?" and also you will have alerted lawmakers of any potential mischief that occurs. Of course, you have to be on the lookout for all kinds s**t--verbal and/or otherwise comin' yer way. I think 30 days should be enough time for two "grown-ups" to find housing.
There is no eviction if there is no legal contract or lease, so therefore you can make them leave at anytime.
Not only get a police officer, but have a locksmith on hand to change the locks the second they get out.
I am sorry that you are going through this- to have such an ungrateful adult daughter must really be hard to deal with emotionally. :sad7:
Since I use to work in hospitals I have seen family's do some really bad stuff, since you had a stroke do not be surprised if they say you are not in your right mind and you need them there to take care of you.Will your doctor back you up as for the part about your mental stability you never know what they have told your doctor or any one else behind your back.In some states you do have to give them official eviction papers and sometimes go to court to get rid of tenants I still would not trust them not to do something to your Fur Kids. Do they use your computer you might change your password you never know if they might be reading all your e-mails after you go to sleep.All the advise given here may make them madder about the whole situation. Do you have other grown children what do they say about this mess, would they be on your side if you have to go to court. It bothers me that they said you would not give your grandchild cereal I think that is very odd for them to say they may have a plan to try to remove you from your house you did say you went to get one of your Doxie's in a electric wheelchair if I remember right.Try to be ready for anything and keep a close watch on the Fur Kids.It may be best if you can talk to a lawyer about what you can do or even the police because different states have different laws.
Hope I have not upset you but I have seen allot over the years.Yes our kids can really hurt us to the bone you would never know what they can come up with. You can only raise them the best you can they do not come with Handbooks some turn out good some do not no matter what you do it hurts allot but you have us to talk to at anytime.
Hugs to you Papbouv
Papbouv