If my Dog wrote the Dictionary
Leash. A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
Dog Bed. Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
Drool. What you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
Sniff. A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply; repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
Garbage Can. A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
Bicycles. Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
Deafness. A malady which affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
Thunder. A signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
Wastebasket. A dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.
Sofa. A piece of furniture, to dogs as napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
Bath. This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
Lean. Every good dog's response to the command "sit!" especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
Bump. The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.
Goose bump. A maneuver to use as a last resort when a regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with Sniff (See above).
Love. A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return.
This is great! I'm printing it out and putting it on the fridge or somewhere since it is definitely good for a chuckle or two. I love the deafness and the lean definitions. Molly does "lean" very well!
LOL - this is great ! :2funny:
The Herd's personal favorite:
Fixed - a term that originally meant that something broken was repaired. Obviously, hoomans no longer pay attention to whether or not something is in need of "fixing" as we poor dogs get "fixed" all the time.
(Fret not fellow puppers, our time is coming and then we'll "fix" them! :wink:)
Dr. Leaky Merlin Guinness Roscoe
:rescue: :rescue: :rescue: :rescue:
LOL - This is great!! :2funny:
:2funny: LOL!!!! That is great!!!! I love it.... Emmy does the wastebasket well and deafness.... Soooo like my little girl.... I do like fixed as well Karen.... :funnyup: