It has been a long time since I've posted on Dachshund Circus and maybe I'm in the wrong place but I think you guys might be able to help me.
My name is Lynne and I'm a 45 year old doxi-holic. This all began after Molly entered my life in 1992 during Hurricane Andrew. I never married or had children and Molly was not just my daughter but my best friend. It is because of her that I rescued several other doxies over the years. Mambo and Moxie, the Doxie are still with me. Mango and Moses are waiting for me at the bridge.
One month ago yesterday I lost Molly after a painful final year of Cushings/Diabetes. I had such a hard few months after euthanizing Moses and Mango that I knew this would be devastating. Molly was the world to me.
The problem is that I don't seem to be grieving. I can't think about her. A friend told me that I might still be in the "shock" phase of this but I don't think that's true. I simply won't let myself look at her doggy blanket, her collar, her little box of ashes, her medicine basket... I just click off any thought I have for her. I just can't handle it. In fact as I write this I'm starting to cry but I shut it off and just concentrate on the typing. I don't think this is healthy but I don't know what to do. Mambo was 2 months old when he came into our life and he is in deep mourning. It doesn't help that Moxie and he are confused about their new role in the pack order since she was always the queen of the household.
I've searched sites for pet loss and may even see a counselor. And the guilt I'm feeling at not even being able to write a fitting memorial to her is starting to get to me. I always thought I'd have to be put away when the time came for Molly and me to part. I don't understand this. I walk around and don't get anything done. Half the day goes by and I can't even tell you what I did.
Does anyone know what I should do or where I should turn? Thanks for understanding, Lynne.
and I'm sure someone here will have some good advice for you. I seem to remember there is a good book someone here recommends about grieving over loss of a beloved pet. Hopefully they will speak up.
I think counseling may be a good idea. I saw a very good therapist for about 7 months when I was dealing with a trauma in my life. She really helped me get to the bottom of my feelings and deal with them in a healthy manner.
Hugs to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Krista . I'm trying to post a picture of my "kids". I hope it turns out right. I won't explain until after I press this in case it doesn't work.
Love, Lynne.
Yeahhh. It worked. This is the shopping cart that was abandonned in my driveway one day. I use it to"walk" my kids when it's too hot for their little foot pads. They love the little Doxie cart and the neighbors always laugh when they see a cart full of doxies coming their way. This is (from left) Mambo, Moxie and Molly.
GREAT picture. :funnyup:
Lynne,
Losing someone you love is a terrible thing, be it human or fur-kid! There are those we never forget! Your Molley sounds like one you never forget! I am so sorry for your loss! Please allow yourself to grieve. Holding it in isn't good for you! You have much love to give. Mourn Molley, she's running and playing now.....maybe try to help one still here in her name! There is no easy answer, please know there are people out here who care and you can talk to! If you get lonely, email me, I'll give you my number, call day or night! Just talking and sharing helps, I hope you feel better soon!
Hi Lynne,
I remember you posting of your kids - are you in Las Vegas? I am so sorry for your loss. Counseling will help - your grief is in there - you just need to find a way to bring it to the surface so you can work through it. I know your whole group is suffering - help them too by getting help yourself. Please keep us up to date on what is going on - we are here to support you. Take care -
Hello Lynn,
wondered where you had got to, as i thought the dachie cart a hooot. To lose someone you love is one of the most traumic times in your life. We have lost two litle people, one was only 8 months old Ingrid, and my adorable Angus. Angus I must confess Nick and I came home and got blind on red wine, but it did not get rid of the pain.
Have you tried talking about her, we are all ears here, or seek someone you can off load, you will not be disrepecting her. Molly would not have you in pain, remember you must LOve to know what you have lost, but she will never be forgotten till you forget her.
Big Hugs and Rays to see you through this hard time.
You're trying to grieve and you are blocking it. The fact that you mention when you write about her you start to cry so you focus on the typing says it all.
You can get counseling or you can try the "DIY" method. When you know you are going to have some time to not be disturbed, drag out all Molly's stuff: her photos, her blankies, her toys. Find a comfortable spot, a glass of your favorite libation, and immerse yourself in it. Look at the photos and remember the good times. Let the other doggities stay woth you for comfort and sharing. "Look, remember when we all..." Cry, have a good, long, loud, sniffly cry!
If you don't have the strength to try this...definitely time to go to a counselor.
Good luck,
Dianne
Hi Lynn. It has been awhile since you have posted...I remember when you were getting your house put in a video.....and chopping down the grape vines in your back yard....you are still in Las Vegas? A good friend of mine just moved there. I am so sorry for your loss. I did the same thing when my Buffi passed. It was so painful to think about her that every time I started thinking and having the guilt, etc. that you always have, no matter what decision you make, I would start thinking about something else as fast as I could. Distract my mind. It takes a very long time for the pain to ease...it is three years now since my Buffi passed and only now can I think of her and smile about all the happy times. What helped me was taking some time when I was alone and just let myself cry...let my emotions out. I would actually feel better after that until the next wave. Just deal with it each time and let it out. In a private time. Right now I am having to deal with my little Kleine going down after only three months after her disk surgery and she was recovering so well. These things life throw at us with these innocent little creatures.
Lynne-
We actually just lost our girl Annie on Thursday to cancer and are currently in the grieving phase. I did look through a couple of books prior to Annie's death to try and better prepare myself for the overwhelming grief I imagined I was going to experience. The books I found at my library were Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and Children by Herbert A. Nieburg and Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of your Pet by Moira Anderson. I briefly scanned both books and found both to be helpful.
I also noticed a flyer at our vet's office for a pet loss support group. You may be able to locate something similar in your area.
I have found an enormous amount of support from this board. I honestly don't think we could have made it through these past few days without these amazing people.
As for a memorial for your beloved Molly, there is no right or wrong time or place. Let your heart guide you.
Lynne,
I know what's going on with you. If you allow yourself to look at her collar, personal belongings, etc...you know it will be final. Grieving is something that we all know is painfull, and since you've been through it so many times before your mind simply doesn't want to feel it again. You are grieving, and just because you can't cry this time or look at her things doesn't mean you love her any less. She was your first, and the whole reason for your love of the doxie in the first place. This is symbolic to you, even if you don't realize it.
Perhaps if you let yourself look at and hold her things, make it real, and say goodbye out loud: It will become your new reality, and soon you may let go with some tears. Still if you don't, it's okay. You're being strong because she was the most special pup in the world to you, and you're afraid of how much more pain you could bare. Take care, and know we all one day too will have that pain to face. You'll be okay with friends like this! :angel4:
Lynne,
First of, let me say how sorry I am for your loss. It is amazing how they work their way into our hearts and claim them for their own. I love the picture of them in the shopping cart.
I worked for a company that dealt in mass fatality diasters and I spoke almost daily with people that had suffered losses. I don't have a psychology degree, but did work with a great man that has one and I have had many classes on dealing with grief. You say that you cannot grieve for Molly, but you are in part of the grieving process. It is a long process and everyone goes through it in their own way. It seems that you are in the denial phase. If you allow yourself to look at her things or talk about it, it becomes too real for you. You want to believe nothing has changed. When the time is right, you will be able to face the loss. It will be in your own time. Don't force yourself to do things you are not ready to do. If there is a support group or counseling available, you might find help there, but again, you have to be ready. There are many phases to the grieving and you may not go through all of them. Your loss is personal and only you understand how it has impacted you. Others may have similar experiences, but only you had your relationship with Molly. One of the most important things I learned was that loss is extremely personal and it is yours alone. You don't have to go through it alone, but no one else will totally understand what you feel. Know that when you are ready, there are people that will be there to listen, to wipe your tears and to hold you close. Even if you don't believe it, you are grieving for her. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, eveyone has their own way. When the time is right, you will be able to write her memorial, look at her things, think about her without the guilt you feel now. I know that nothing any of us says can take away your pain, but we are here to listen when you are ready.