I don’t even know how to begin writing this.
A few months ago after Toby got healthy he ran out of our front door and nipped a neighbor girl who is about ten years old. Fortunately she had canvas shoes on and he did not puncture the skin. What worried me at the time is that it was completely unprovoked. The girls mom was great and although another neighbor did call the police, they agreed that it was probably an isolated incident and since the girl was not bit badly we would just file the mandatory report and not quarantine him for the mandatory 48 hours that they usually do.
Then in December he bit my mother in laws hand. Again, completely unprovoked…she simply tried to pet him. Of course, she is a dog lover and tried to minimize it but I was very scared about it and spoke with our vet. He told me that sometimes dogs can have flashbacks and that a simple thing can trigger it.
After that he seemed to be fine. Although I NEVER let him around children and tell all guests not to get “in his face”. Of course, most of the time he was as sweet as can be….wiggling around for belly rubs and such.
On Sunday night he bit a girlfriend of mine, very seriously. Nancy and her husband Mike are here on vacation. They got here on Thursday. Toby has been fine with her but evidently something must have snapped in him. He bit her face…she required 15 stiches in both the upper and lower lip and may require plastic surgery. Again, this was totally unprovoked.
Because it was the second incident they have quarantined Toby . As difficult as this is, I believe that he is unadoptable for the safety of anyone who has him. I think that the damage is simply to great in his mind. This is so incredibly difficult. I love him with all of my heart and the thought of him being put to sleep is beyond what I can bear. Toby has never done this with me….but anyone new is a threat to him. He has growled at almost anyone who comes to the house and we have guests quite often.
I have until this evening to make a final decision and to be very honest I simply don’t know. I simply cannot let him be around anyone ever again so I would have to crate him full time when there are guests. My children come to visit often and I do not trust him around anyone but me. I watched this happen and to be honest it was simply horrifying. He turned into an animal that I did not even know. He was absolutely vicious for those few seconds.
I guess the reason that I felt the need to post is that I needed to let all of you who have been so incredibly supportive what has happened and what we are dealing with. Please say a prayer that God helps me make the right decision.
Terri - my heart goes out to you. Such an incredibly difficult decision. I hate that I have no advice and I am not sure that anyone can give it unless they have dealt with the same thing hands on. I will support what your heart tells you to do. You have given this boy a chance in a million, but sometimes damage is done that cannot be repaired. Knowing how hard this is for you, I pray that our friends here will rally around you with the decision that you make. I know I will. My prayers are with you - hugs to you and to our Toby.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you on this difficult decision.
We are so sorry to hear this. :pray: We are praying for you and Toby. Sending you :comfort: for a very hard decision.
Merion & the ZZ's
I think Barb said it best. This is a very difficult decision and one that only a person who has been in the situation can make. Please know that you have my support for whatever decision you make. Rays and prayers to help you make the best decision for Toby. :comfort:
I don't know what to say or do that would be helpful. I'm so sorry that you are in the position. My heart goes out to you.
I'll be praying for you and thinking of you, Toby and the rest of the family. I'll also be hoping your friend has a speedy recovery without complications.
Terri -
We had a Dachshund (Waggles) that did this very same thing - he wasn't abused nor ever had anyone harm him. We raised him from a pup with nothing but love and affection. He would bite without anyone or anything provoking him. There was no rhyme or reason, he just got mad and would bite.
Our vet thought it could be as simple as Waggs defending his territory...or maybe he was just :idiot:. What we tried that worked, to an extent, was ovaban (female hormones). While the aggression didn't go away totally, it helped to control it. We still had to crate him when strangers came to the house, etc. but he was still (in hindsight) a dangerous dog to those who didn't know his habits. Off "his" turf he was fine but at our house he could become a terror.
Waggs lived to be 16 and did mellow somewhat as he got older but I never did completely trust him with a stranger.
Would I do it again? I'm not sure - it was difficult to deal with him at times but we felt we needed to do what we could for him.
I know I'm not helping you with your decision but just wanted you to know that you're not the only one who faced this type of behavior - we thought it may have been the result of bad breeding.
Nancy
Terri, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make this difficult decision. Whatever you decide will be supported here by us, and we know that your choice will be made out of the unconditional love you have for Toby. Hugs to you. :comfort:
Terry,
Please give Toby another chance, please consider formal training! My sheperd Meeko has bitten several people for no real reason. She has never run or jumped at anyone and bitten them. Only if they approach her. She is 11 now and this started as a one year old. After spaying her that helped, fromal training helped her alot. But she still cannot be fully trusted. She bit family members and one stranger.
We have learned her warning signs and almost never approach her. When she comes to someone she is always fine. My sons are grown young men, if they go to her while she is resting, sometimes she'll snap. She has never bitten nor growled at me or my almost 11 year old daughter, in fact she sleeps on the bed with her. She has broken the skin but never caused stitches! We can take food, bones, toys from her mouth and she is fine, she loves the dachshunds and plays with them all the time!
We took a vote 6 years ago and they wanted to keep her. We had a rescue sheperd years ago that lived with us until age 16, that bit everyone in the house at least once. She had been abused and with training and lots of love did fine, but never was fully trusted. And she caused stitches!
When kids come over, I crate her or put her in my room, trips to petsmart are done with a light muzzle! Adults I warn not to approach her, if she goes to them she is fine! I can't find a reason for her to do this. It was over 5 years between bites the last time! She has been with me since a pup and was never abused, in fact very spoiled, like the dachshunds! Go figure.
Maybe Toby was so abused and went through all that illness when he first got to you that this is a protective thing, please try formal training. I believe you'll make the right decision. I know this is hard and I really feel bad for the gal bitten, but think long and hard first! After all you've been through, I am sorry you are forced with this decision! My prayers are with you!
Meeko says go for the training first!
Wow, Terri...this has to be one, if not, the most difficult kind of decision anyone can make. To consider putting a healthy dog down for behavior problems, and especially a dog that you are in love with...is just heartbreaking. I am so sorry you are faced with this. I haven't been through it myself but I know several people who have.
I wish too that I had some good advice for you. I would just say, be positive you have explored every avenue that you are willing to explore, first. Otherwise your mind will go to all the things you "didn't" do (no matter how good a job you do now...we always blame ourselves later, as irrational as it is we always seem to for reasons I've never quite understood..) Have you looked for a behaviorist in your area to help you evaluate his behavior and whether it may be something that can be worked with, or that he has little chance of rehab? That would take some of the burden of this decision off of you, something concrete to work on if that is the case, and someone to guide you along this way. Look into any kind of drug that may help...?
Personally, I feel that dogs have their basic personalities wired into them when they are born. (Dottie and her Meeko is a great example.) Their environment and life experiences definitely play a role in shaping them but they always have that basic wiring. I am not as convinced that an abused dog carries as many issues as some say. Some of my friends run rescues and you see dogs come in that have had horrible experiences, and are as loving and grateful as they can be. I also know of many pets who were raised in a loving and stable environment from birth, and they are very aggressive and will bite...while other dogs in the same household, raised the same way, are sweet and kind. I have learned a lot from my friend who rescues pit bulls, and when they are wired to attack other dogs, there is no punishment in the world that will make them trustworthy in the end. And pit bull she rescues who will bite or threaten a person, she puts down as she knows they will never be trustworthy. But, there are others that she can tell can be successfully worked with. It is important to figure out exactly why the dog is being aggressive to know if it can be changed.
I would suspect that with the severity of the bites, Toby is most likely wired that way, at least as a good portion of why he is like he is. I think that there is a chance he will never be 100% trustworthy. But having said that, I also think it's very possible Toby can be improved...and you can come up with a routine to keep him and everyone around him, safe. The crating idea is a good one. You just have to really think about if, with your lifestyle, you are willing to do what it might take.
This is tough. I just want you to have the least amount of regrets, either way, and to know you tried all you could first. Is looking for a behaviorist an option, before you make the decision? All my thoughts and prayers are with you Terri. And Toby too of course, I pray he can be saved and be a safe member of your family! Please let us know what happens...
Brook on another board has had problems with her doxie Charlie-- it got to the point where she was scarred of him and thought of putting him down, he was from a petstore, she found a behavorist from VA and he is doing excellent now.
I feel for you, and I know this is a very tough decision to make! We are here for you, whichever decision you need to make. Rays for your friend's swift healing, and to you for dealing with this. I firmly believe that you know what is best for Toby and you will make the right decision for all concerned. :pray:
Gosh, Terri, I don't know what to say. This is so hard. If Toby was my dog, I would just make sure he was crated or put in another room if other people were around. I couldn't bear to put him down. Its not his fault. He must have been protecting his territory or something. I would just keep him away from everyone, and in the meantime find some help for him. Give him a chance. So sorry.
Hi Terri
You are in our thoughts and in our prayers. My sister and I grew up with a doxie (our family smooth tweenie tan Laifu who is now 13) who has bitten everyone in our family and has severe food aggression issues. We never found it in us to put him down but our respective husbands have often said that he should be put down. He is old and mellower now (and has had most of his teeth extracted).
If Laifu had bitten any of the children in the family, maybe the outcome would have been different? I don't know. He is the reason why my husband was so reluctant to get our own, but I finally convinced him and now he loves donut more than anything. He says he will never get another breed other than a dachshund ever again.
I am sharing our story with you because we know how hard a decision this has been for you. For us, we have not regretted the decision to keep Laifu in the family. That said, his aggression is only present when there is food around and also because he has never bitten or shown any aggression to our little ones.
You are in our thoughts and whatever decision you make we will support you with. Take care and BIG hugs to you and Toby.
What a tough decision to make!!! I am so sorry I didn't read this post earlier. You have our full support no matter what you decide. I am afraid I don't really have any great advice for you. Just know you are in our thoughts and :pray: as you make this tough decision. Maybe you should call the Dog Whisperer from the National Geographic Channel's series. He seems to do great work with dogs who have similar problems. Please let us know what you have decided.
The phrase, "All suffering comes from craving that which is impermanent." is one of the Four Noble Truths. It is not easy to embrace suffering. It is not easy to set aside one's own grief out of love for someone else. Many people flee from these types of situations.
Your words reveal a person of strong character. Your friend and her husband likely value these qualities that you possess, or they would not have traveled to visit you. As Chaim Potok wrote in
The Promise, "The choices that we make tell the world who we are." If I am guaging the character of your friend correctly, the decision that you are making may repair or even enhance that friendship, not because you are doing this to please anybody, but precisely because you are not.
People are generally rotten. Let's face it. Everyone hates their brother, their sister, their spouse, and their parents at one time or another and for good reason. Hounds like Toby are above that, which makes their loss even worse.
Death may end a life, but it cannot end a relationship.
From the
New Union Prayer Book:
QuoteIt is hard to sing of oneness when our world is not complete, when those who once brought wholeness to our life have gone, and naught but memory can fill the emptiness their passing leaves behind.
But memory can tell us only what we were, in company with those we loved; it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become. Yet no one is really alone; those who live no more, echo still within our thoughts and words, and what they did is part of what we have become...
Hopefully, the loss that you feel today will ultimately become a sourse of strength.
Your friends,
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Kalman and Luth