i am victorious! (and thoroughly grossed out)

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 12:13:50 PM

I did it! During the V-E-T visit this morning, under the tutelage of a very patient and awesome Doctor, I expressed Scooter's anal glands. His very, very full anal glands. Hurrah!...?

My observations:

1) Ew.
2) Ick.
3) I am never eating a certain food again, and
4) EWWWWWW.

However, I now know what I'm doing, and won't have to take him in every three weeks to have it done, which is good, because I really REALLY need to save money (today's visit was nearly $250, OUCH).

On the bright side, they gave me a discount for performing that procedure myself, and Scooter came away with a very positive bill of health. Besides the issues with his back/teeth/glands, he is doing "beautifully" (in the words of Dr. K) for his age. And actually, his remaining teeth look good, with only a little tartar and very healthy gums. His eyes/ears/lungs/heart are all great, as is his energy and weight. His walk looks perfectly normal, and he only stumbles or wobbles a bit when he gets ahead of himself and tries to run or turn too quickly.

And who knows, maybe later, and with gifts of conciliatory HAM, he will forgive me for this morning's trauma. (Scooter: I WAS VIOLATED IN ALL MANNER OF WAYS. WOE)

Barb · April 08, 2010, 12:29:12 PM

WOW - that is great news !!!! I really need to talk to my vet and see if they will train me ! Glad the Scootman got a good report !!!

Leslie · April 08, 2010, 12:48:57 PM

I am VERY proud of you and happy for Scooter. (and not grossed out at all.)
and for Scooter, there was HAM.

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 02:27:40 PM

Quote from: Barb on April 08, 2010, 12:29:12 PM
WOW - that is great news !!!! I really need to talk to my vet and see if they will train me ! Glad the Scootman got a good report !!!

It really is not difficult at all! Just icky.

If we lived close, I'd come over and teach you everything I know. I COULD BE YOUR GLAND GURU.

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 02:31:52 PM

Quote from: Leslie on April 08, 2010, 12:48:57 PM
I am VERY proud of you and happy for Scooter. (and not grossed out at all.)
and for Scooter, there was HAM.

Aw, thank you so much! I was so proud of him - he was a Very Good Boy while mommy was poking about in/at him, as well as when he got shots and his temp taken and his nails trimmed. Even the V-E-T said he was a model patient!

And I am impressed at your ability to remain un-grossed! Go you!

Gail · April 08, 2010, 03:28:31 PM

Well done!!! Scooter will feel much more relaxed (even though violated) with his momma helping him out....Scooter, don't feel too traumatised!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leslie · April 08, 2010, 03:54:02 PM

Quote from: scootersmom on April 08, 2010, 02:31:52 PM
Aw, thank you so much! I was so proud of him - he was a Very Good Boy while mommy was poking about in/at him, as well as when he got shots and his temp taken and his nails trimmed. Even the V-E-T said he was a model patient!

And I am impressed at your ability to remain un-grossed! Go you!

I'm tellin' ya, I would be the perfect farm wife. Just for fun I took the quiz in "Sheep Magazine" entitled: "What to do in the case of retained placenta in Ewes." I got a perfect score, 'cause heck, all ya need is a bucket of warm vinegar and a turkey baster. :crazyeyes: Yep, when I win the lotto it's goat farmin' for me.

Roberta · April 08, 2010, 05:11:43 PM

Now that would be a good line in your CV........................
Glad Mr S is really on the mend and that both ends are A OK..................Skooter maybe mom can use the money she saves to treat you............
Roberta

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 06:30:35 PM

Update: Scooter threw up after dinner tonight, poor baby. Only the second time he's ever vomited since he's come to live with me! I hope it's just the after-effect of a very busy day and nothing more. He seems just fine otherwise, was a little quiet for awhile but now gnawing happily on a rawhide and dragging his bed around his ex-pen (he does this, inexplicably, when he gets excited).

Guess I'll keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't do it again...and perhaps just some hamburger and rice to eat tomorrow...

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 06:32:01 PM

Quote from: Gail on April 08, 2010, 03:28:31 PM
Well done!!! Scooter will feel much more relaxed (even though violated) with his momma helping him out....Scooter, don't feel too traumatised!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you! I certainly hope this will be much better for Scooter when he can get The Deed Done in the comfort of his own home...

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 06:36:06 PM

Quote from: Leslie on April 08, 2010, 03:54:02 PM
I'm tellin' ya, I would be the perfect farm wife. Just for fun I took the quiz in "Sheep Magazine" entitled: "What to do in the case of retained placenta in Ewes." I got a perfect score, 'cause heck, all ya need is a bucket of warm vinegar and a turkey baster. :crazyeyes: Yep, when I win the lotto it's goat farmin' for me.

I think I would fail that quiz...do they take points off if you use the words "icky-poo" or "I would absolutely faint" in your answers?

Come on, Lottery win! *fingers crossed for you*

scootersmom · April 08, 2010, 06:38:09 PM

Quote from: Roberta on April 08, 2010, 05:11:43 PM
Now that would be a good line in your CV........................
Glad Mr S is really on the mend and that both ends are A OK..................Skooter maybe mom can use the money she saves to treat you............
Roberta

Aww, thank you!

Scooter thinks your idea about what I should do with any monies saved is a BRILLIANT one. :thumb:

Doxherding Karen · April 08, 2010, 07:09:43 PM

AHEM . . .

Please be advised that my client, Champion Harley's Junior Red Vespa, a.k.a. Scooter, is considering legal action for invasion of privacy and alienation of affection, to wit: his VERY PERSONAL AND PRIVATE ablutions

have been made grist for the mill, so to speak. Any vet-patient privilege has been violated by his chauffeur and concierge, a.k.a. "scootersmom" on this dachshund board. As a result of his humiliation and embarrassment in front of his legions of adoring female puppers, he will require extensive psychotherapy and trauma counseling.

However, we are amenable to certain considerations to aid in our client's full recovery. We suggest the following: massive amounts of 1)ham, 2)smoked sausage, 3)beef steak, 4)free-range chicken and 5)Alaskan lobster.

Please advise as to the expected of the first shipment for goodies, er, compensation.

Very truly yours,

Dr.Alan Dershowitz Leaky

doxielady5569128 · April 08, 2010, 09:40:57 PM

Poor scooter!! Thankfully, for Porky Pie, I have not mastered that "trick" yet. Maybe I'll check into getting lessons from our vet.

Vet bills sure add up quickly when our babies have problems. Hopefully Scooter can stay away from the vet visits for a while now. He's been through so much this year!!

papbouv · April 08, 2010, 10:00:56 PM

Congratulations are in order I guess strange things make dog people happy expressing anal glands must be at the top of the list.One thing for sure you want to make sure you do not get it on any clothing paper towels or wet wipes the order of the day that is for sure.A bath for the victim oh I mean pupper helps get rid of the smell.Vet care is so expensive you have to learn all you can to help out with the bill.Papbouv

scootersmom · April 09, 2010, 10:12:34 AM

Quote from: Doxherding Karen on April 08, 2010, 07:09:43 PM
AHEM . . .

Please be advised that my client, Champion Harley's Junior Red Vespa, a.k.a. Scooter, is considering legal action for invasion of privacy and alienation of affection, to wit: his VERY PERSONAL AND PRIVATE ablutions have been made grist for the mill, so to speak. Any vet-patient privilege has been violated by his chauffeur and concierge, a.k.a. "scootersmom" on this dachshund board. As a result of his humiliation and embarrassment in front of his legions of adoring female puppers, he will require extensive psychotherapy and trauma counseling.

However, we are amenable to certain considerations to aid in our client's full recovery. We suggest the following: massive amounts of 1)ham, 2)smoked sausage, 3)beef steak, 4)free-range chicken and 5)Alaskan lobster.

Please advise as to the expected of the first shipment for goodies, er, compensation.

Very truly yours,

Dr.Alan Dershowitz Leaky

Dear Esteemed Dr. Leaky,

My regret and shame KNOW NO BOUNDS. I shall immediately proceed to the nearest procurer of meat and meat products and purchase many cutlets and such with which to make meaty amends for my sins. Please pass my deepest apologies along to your client and let him know he may expect to enjoy some tasty vindication before the day is out.

Also "Champion Harley's Junior Red Vespa" is the best name EVER.

Yours,
The Conciliatory Concierge, a.k.a. scootersmom

scootersmom · April 09, 2010, 10:17:19 AM

Quote from: doxielady5569128 on April 08, 2010, 09:40:57 PM
Poor scooter!! Thankfully, for Porky Pie, I have not mastered that "trick" yet. Maybe I'll check into getting lessons from our vet. Vet bills sure add up quickly when our babies have problems. Hopefully Scooter can stay away from the vet visits for a while now. He's been through so much this year!!

Thankfully for Scooter, he's never had issues with his cute little brown booty until this year (there must be some connection with his back problems, I guess). So this old mom had to learn this new "trick", but perhaps you and Porky may be spared this fate!

And yes, that's exactly what I'm hoping for. Less vet visits, even if I have to do something that's...well...less than pleasant. *g*

Scooter says thank you for the sympathy!

scootersmom · April 09, 2010, 10:20:57 AM

Quote from: papbouv on April 08, 2010, 10:00:56 PM
Congratulations are in order I guess strange things make dog people happy expressing anal glands must be at the top of the list.One thing for sure you want to make sure you do not get it on any clothing paper towels or wet wipes the order of the day that is for sure.A bath for the victim oh I mean pupper helps get rid of the smell.Vet care is so expensive you have to learn all you can to help out with the bill.Papbouv

Hee! Well, yes. I can't say I'm happy to be doing the actual expressing, but the thought of saving money (for me) and trauma (for Scooter) is appealing...

And thanks for the tips! I have some wet wipes at home that are all-natural. Hopefully this way I can avoid any chemicals that may be harmful to Scoot.

Dr. Beau Leaky · April 09, 2010, 12:56:24 PM

Quote from: scootersmom on April 09, 2010, 10:12:34 AMDear Esteemed Dr. Leaky,

My regret and shame KNOW NO BOUNDS. I shall immediately proceed to the nearest procurer of meat and meat products and purchase many cutlets and such with which to make meaty amends for my sins. Please pass my deepest apologies along to your client and let him know he may expect to enjoy some tasty vindication before the day is out.

Also "Champion Harley's Junior Red Vespa" is the best name EVER. Yours, The Conciliatory Concierge, a.k.a. scootersmom

AHEM . . .

Thank you. :thumb:

Dr. L.
(P.S. Don't forget the lobster. And my family discount retainer is 15%. I'll take it in Pupperonis.

)

cheryl186 · April 09, 2010, 01:33:45 PM

I too am so very proud of you for learning to express Scooter's anal glands....that of which I have never mastered....yuck.....Great report from the Vet Scootman!!!! Keep up the good work :apls: :apls:

papbouv · April 09, 2010, 10:36:58 PM

I just get the wet wipes from the dollar store the non- sented ones with Aloe Vera baby wipes figured if they are gentle enough for a baby they should be good for a pupper.

Dee Dee and Hallie · April 10, 2010, 07:36:46 PM

That is GREAT news yeay Scooter getting a clean bill of health (for his age?? OK they ruined it when they said that but still...YEAY!). I can't believe you learned to do his anal glands yourself,

I could do Freds but he was a huge dog with a big...well, you know what, these little booties I just can't do, luckily (depending on which end you are looking at it with) Hallie goes in every 3 weeks for her Hallergy shot so she gets her bum squeezed then. Really good to hear Scooter is doing well again, except the throw up...hmmm wonder what that was but if he's feeling good again probably just a blip!

He is lucky to have Dr. Leaky, D. L. you got it goin' AWN!

klsb · April 12, 2010, 06:06:12 PM

Is it gross that i want to know what food it looked like?

papbouv · April 12, 2010, 09:30:21 PM

Not all breeds of dogs need their anal glands expressed Patches is my first dog out of a Papillon, 3-Bouvier's,AM Staffordshire terrier, 3-GSD, 2 Collies, 2 mixed breed dogs & a Doberman thank goodness.I can see why Dachshunds need help since their bodies are so long.Papbouv

scootersmom · April 13, 2010, 11:32:35 AM

Quote from: Dr. Beau Leaky on April 09, 2010, 12:56:24 PM
AHEM . . .

Thank you. :thumb:

Dr. L.
(P.S. Don't forget the lobster. And my family discount retainer is 15%. I'll take it in Pupperonis. )

Pupperoni it is!

How do you feel about Vienna Sausage? You know, just as a gratuity of sorts?

scootersmom · April 13, 2010, 11:59:42 AM

Quote from: cheryl186 on April 09, 2010, 01:33:45 PM
I too am so very proud of you for learning to express Scooter's anal glands....that of which I have never mastered....yuck.....Great report from the Vet Scootman!!!! Keep up the good work :apls: :apls:

Aw, thank you - on both counts!

scootersmom · April 13, 2010, 02:15:37 PM

Quote from: Dee Dee and Hallie on April 10, 2010, 07:36:46 PM
That is GREAT news yeay Scooter getting a clean bill of health (for his age?? OK they ruined it when they said that but still...YEAY!). I can't believe you learned to do his anal glands yourself, I could do Freds but he was a huge dog with a big...well, you know what, these little booties I just can't do, luckily (depending on which end you are looking at it with) Hallie goes in every 3 weeks for her Hallergy shot so she gets her bum squeezed then. Really good to hear Scooter is doing well again, except the throw up...hmmm wonder what that was but if he's feeling good again probably just a blip!

He is lucky to have Dr. Leaky, D. L. you got it goin' AWN!

I know! It's like being told "You're pretty smart - FOR A GIRL". Boo! But I am delighted that most of Scooter's pieces and parts are functioning at good capacity. :thumb:

You did Fred's glands? WOW. I am impressed - you're a brave soul, my friend! Also: "Hallergy". Hee! LOVE IT.

Luckily, there's been no more throwing up. Hopefully that was the first and LAST time. Which means I can stop worrying about that and resume worrying about the time he took a flying leap off the couch in the 1.3 seconds I was reaching for my phone...

How are you and Hallie?

scootersmom · April 13, 2010, 02:21:24 PM

Quote from: papbouv on April 09, 2010, 10:36:58 PM
I just get the wet wipes from the dollar store the non- sented ones with Aloe Vera baby wipes figured if they are gentle enough for a baby they should be good for a pupper.

Thanks for the tip!!

scootersmom · April 13, 2010, 02:25:08 PM

Quote from: klsb on April 12, 2010, 06:06:12 PM
Is it gross that i want to know what food it looked like?

Do you really want to know? I'd hate to traumatize you unneccessarily...

Dr. Beau Leaky · April 13, 2010, 04:02:21 PM

Quote from: scootersmom on April 13, 2010, 11:32:35 AMPupperoni it is! How do you feel about Vienna Sausage? You know, just as a gratuity of sorts?

I take Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and all consumables. Vienna sausage? Yum, Yum!!

Thank you!

Dr.L.

Delia and girls · April 13, 2010, 08:17:48 PM

I am very impressed, Noel! Not just any dog owner can express anal glands!!!! That and nail cutting are 2 things I will NEVER master.

Skooter, I know you're tired of hearing this but ... it's for your own good. And ... wasn't the ham/sausage/vienna sausage worth it?!

klsb · April 13, 2010, 10:17:42 PM

A common part of my career choice is pinching zits. Which I enjoy, im sure it wont gross me out. But bystanders may be harmed in the transfering of this information.

Dee Dee and Hallie · April 14, 2010, 11:24:28 AM

Scooter deserves a ham smoothie for all he has been going through! We are just glad he's feeling good again and Mom has a new talent to add to her list. :thumb: I think they just like to keep us on our toes, I thought Hallie was having back troubles again last Wednesday so we had to cancel her Hallergy shot appointment (poor girl though has to go in this afternoon to make up for it plus a bum squeeze we need aunt Noel to help us!) but it turned out to be her tummy not her back...first time that has happened, usually I can recognize the difference right off, it looked the same as a back thing this time since she would start to trot then stop abruptly with ears down and that "OWIE" look on her face, walk slow, didn't want to get on her bed which is all of 7" high, didn't kick her back legs after doing her thang, etc. No Mommy was more happy to see a big cow pie come outta that girl and then have her feeling like her silly self again a couple of hours later! PHEW! There's nothing that wakes you up faster in the morning than to see signs of back problems in your longdog baby, that refreshing feeling of panic and lightheadedness coupled with nausea and and chest pain works better than a pot O coffee!