Dilemma....VENT!!!! (LONG!)

doxielady5569128 · July 16, 2009, 09:20:54 AM

We have a family member who has been mean to Porky on more than one occasion. The most recent act being this......the person called him over to admire his new bandanna he got from the groomer that afternoon. Then once Porky went over to the person, they grabbed one of those ranch dressing spritzers and sprayed him right in the eyes and face!!!

Needless to say I was NOT happy!!!!!!! It made me mad for two reasons 1. I'm sure it hurt since Porky yelped and cowered away! and 2. I had just paid a lot of money to get him cleaned up for a trip we were going on.

On another occasion, they were in our home and started yelling at while Porky was on their lap. Yelling terrifies Porky, so he peed on her leg. The person's reaction was to lift Porky up, scream in his face, and then THROW him to the ground!

My husband immediately escorted the person out the door and told them they were not welcome until they were calm.

Here's the dilemma.... this person is a immediate family member. On one hand, I want to keep Porky away from this person, and I really don't need the drama. However, it would be wrong to cut them out completely. They have asked to stay with us for the weekend and I really want to say no. Am I just over-reacting here????

If you were in this situation, how would you handle it? I really want to tell them they can't come to our house and not let them have any contact with Porky. We're not talking about a 4 year old that doesn't know better. We're talking about an adult. (just to clarify) I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. My hubby wants to see them badly, but I don't want them in our house.

I'm thinking of telling them they can come see us for an afternoon, but that's it. That way I can take Porky to a safe place (my friend's home) while they are visiting.

Thanks for letting me vent!!! I'm sorry it so long, but I just had to get this out. Its been bugging me all week!

DeeanDave · July 16, 2009, 09:34:40 AM

Personally, I would not allow that person in my home or near my dogs. In my eyes, what they are doing to Porky is a form of abuse. I would not allow them to stay in my home for a weekend. I'd tell them why -- no one is going to harm my pets. If they want to visit, they can stay in a motel/hotel and you can go see them there. That way, Porky is safe at home and not anywhere near that person.

doxielady5569128 · July 16, 2009, 09:38:31 AM

Quote from: DeeanDave on July 16, 2009, 09:34:40 AM
Personally, I would not allow that person in my home or near my dogs. In my eyes, what they are doing to Porky is a form of abuse. I would not allow them to stay in my home for a weekend. I'd tell them why -- no one is going to harm my pets. If they want to visit, they can stay in a motel/hotel and you can go see them there. That way, Porky is safe at home and not anywhere near that person.

Thank you!!!! The person only lives an hour away, so really I don't see why they insist on spending the night.

I think of it as abuse too, just needed to hear it from someone else too. I can be overprotective of Porky sometimes and wanted to make sure I'm not the one in the wrong for feeling this way.

DeeanDave · July 16, 2009, 10:01:56 AM

Our furkids can't speak so it's our job to protect them. You are not in the wrong on this one ... your relative has no right to treat Porky the way they did. How would they like it if we squirted ranch dressing in their face, or pee'd on them, or threw them to the ground! What they did to Porky just makes my blood boil....relative or not......I'm sorry but I'd ban them from my home permanently!
Now, I'm probably overreacting but I don't tolerate any type of abuse whether it be animals or kids! Guess my reactions come from the fact that I worked for a number of years with an agency that helped protect abused kids that were innocent victims.

JetEd73 · July 16, 2009, 11:27:28 AM

I don't see the dilemma

that person would not be welcome in my home....and I'd beat them within 1/2 inch of their life for throwing my dog.

Porky should be safe in his own home.

Interlopers can screw off and eat fish heads.

klsb · July 16, 2009, 11:33:16 AM

I would say forget it. But if thats not an option maybe you just need to sit them down and make them realize how important he is to you. And let them know that acting like a four year old will not be tolerated and next time they do something like this they will no longer be welcome in your home.

JetEd73 · July 16, 2009, 11:53:55 AM

BS

I wouldn't givem another opportunity to hurt my dog.

Teresa · July 16, 2009, 01:22:15 PM

I, too, think they do not need to be around Porky. If you choose to have them visit for the afternoon, then I agree with the plan to have him at a friends house. It would give you the opportunity to explain why he isn't there (just in case they didn't believe you when you told them why you didn't want them there for the weekend).
If the only thing that had happened was the reaction to Porky peeing on her (and that was an overreaction, in my opinion-especially the throwing down), then that would be one thing. There is no way they could give me any reasonable or decent explanation for the salad dressing incident. Sounds like they knew you had just spent the money on the groomer and were purposely trying to mess him up. Do they often make comments about Porky and about you protecting him? Wonder if they were trying to get a reaction from you, just for their own fun. No matter what, I agree that Porky's home is his safe zone and should always be that way.

P.S. I wonder what reaction Porky would have to them this time around. He may not take kindly to their visiting again...

peterparker · July 16, 2009, 01:58:53 PM

I would never allow any abuser near my children, my dog, or myself period. This person has proven to be an abuser. If your husband wants to see this person, he can meet this person at a restaurant.

Dee Dee and Hallie · July 16, 2009, 07:19:11 PM

I know it's a hard spot for you since your have your husband to consider, but I agree with everyone, if anyone did anything like that to Hallie, they would be out of my life on the first offense family or not (again though I don't have a hubby to consider). If you absolutely have to be around this person I'd either hold Porky the entire (entire!) time or as you say leave him with a friend.

papbouv · July 16, 2009, 10:31:55 PM

That is not a dilemma when this person threw my dog on the floor I would punch their lights out.What if when this person that threw Porky down had killed him, broken his back,broke a leg or something you are NOT OVER REACTING this is abuse. Hubby can go meet them somewhere I would not allow them in my home if they want to know why I would tell them I do not allow anyone to abuse my dog that way if they get mad so be it.If you think this person would poison Porky or do something worse to him just do not say anything just let Porky stay with a trusted friend I do think it is very odd they want to spend the night when they live so close.Sounds to me like this person wants to be at your house she might let Porky out when you are sleeping or something evil. Guard your baby dog to hell with what other people think. Did you hubby see them abuse Porky if anyone abused Patches my hubby would kick them out in a heartbeat.Just remember this person could have killed Porky and say it was a accident but Porky would still be dead.
Papbouv
It is up to you to protect your Fur Kid!!!!

cheryl186 · July 17, 2009, 04:57:02 PM

Oh my gosh Amorette, I just saw this! That is so abusive and that person would never be allowed in my house EVER!!!! Poor Porky....give him extra special hugs and kisses from all of us!!

Rich · July 17, 2009, 05:12:36 PM

I would not want someone who treats a dog like this in my life relative or not. This says a lot about their character. Tell them they can stay in a motel and you can visit them there. If they ask why, tell them it is because it is obvious that they do not respect your home or wishes. Anyone who abuses Sam or Sophie is making the choice to be excluded from my life not to mention risking a punch in the mouth.

Lowriders in Ohio · July 17, 2009, 05:49:14 PM

That is terrible! Poor Porky must hate to see this relative coming after those mean episodes. You are not overreacting. I would be furious! Our friends and family know how we feel about our dogs. I am sure this person knows how much Porky means to you, yet disregards your feelings and Porky's. I know it is a tough spot with your husband, but maybe they could stay elsewhere and meet your husband at a restaurant where Porky will not be present. You don't want to end up in a fight with your husband if this person mistreats Porky again and you freak out and kill them!

Leslie · July 17, 2009, 08:08:07 PM

Quote from: Rich on July 17, 2009, 05:12:36 PM
I would not want someone who treats a dog like this in my life relative or not. This says a lot about their character. Tell them they can stay in a motel and you can visit them there. If they ask why, tell them it is because it is obvious that they do not respect your home or wishes. Anyone who abuses Sam or Sophie is making the choice to be excluded from my life not to mention risking a punch in the mouth.

ditto that. And let's just say that when a dachshund stands on it's hind legs it bites where it counts, too. :crazyeyes:

4pacmom · July 18, 2009, 11:31:04 AM

If this were me, I would sit down with my husband and explain why the relative was no longer welcome in our home and like others have said, suggest that he meet this person in a cafe or since they only live an hour away, go to their home for a visit. This person sounds like they have some issues and I would not allow them near my dogs again. Next time might be the time that Porky is injured or worse. There should be no chance for a next time. If this person cannot respect your home and your "family" members, you are well within your rights to ban them from your home. Don't feel bad or that you are being unreasonable. You are protecting your child. I cannot fathom why anyone would spray dressing in a dog's face other than just out and out spite, meanness and truely bad behavior. It sounds like something a child might do, but not an adult. This person should seek therapy, because they obviously need it badly before someone gets hurt. I just wonder if this person does this type of thing to other dogs or children or if they just have a dislike for Porky (which seems impossible to dislike such a sweetie pie).

Munchfam · July 18, 2009, 12:34:42 PM

I have to agree with everyone here who has basically said to not let there be an opportunity for it to happen again. This is probably not much help, but I would have to what was right for my dog so that he didn't feel as if he were being punished, so leaving him at home alone or in someone else's care temporarily would not be an option. It's a very tough position to be in, with the person in question being an immediate family member, but the behavior toward Porky is abusive, and Porky was subjected to it in his own home. It broke my heart to read your dilemma; our pets give us their best and all of their hearts, and it's hard to understand how anyone could be so mean. Give Porky an extra little hug and a smooch from me.

Frankys_mom · July 18, 2009, 05:51:04 PM

First hugs to poor Porky for both ordeals. Second I'm with everyone else... that person would NEVER be in my home or my life again. Like someone else said, let yuour husband go and visit this person not vice versa. I am sorry for you and poor Porky.
Dawn

Spanish Teckels · July 19, 2009, 06:40:38 AM

I see no dilemma, just pure and unadulterated abuse and insulting behaviour. If you really have to see her again, I would suggest meeting outside your home and for a limited length of time. in my books, living an hour away doesn´t require an overnight stay to visit either. No way would I put her before little Porky Pie. Poor little fellow must have been terrified and if it was me, I´d never let her near my dachsies, husband or home EVER.

doxielady5569128 · July 20, 2009, 06:38:46 AM

Thanks to everyone for backing me up on this matter!!! We did not have this person over this weekend, and do not plan on ever having them over in the future!!! This person likes to purosely cause drama and I believe that's why the salad dressing incident happened. I didn't even have time to react that time because my father-in-law stepped up and escorted the person off their property and told them in no uncertain terms that it was NOT okay.

Its just so frustrating when you can't even have your own famly member over because they can't act like an adult!

cheryl186 · July 20, 2009, 08:43:10 AM

YEA!!!!! Justice has been served :thumb:

papbouv · July 20, 2009, 09:36:50 PM

Too bad your FIL did not spray salad dressing in her face then she would know how it felt.Some times a Eye for an Eye
seems like a good idea at least she might start acting like an adult.I still wonder why she wanted to spend the night seems reallyscary for Porky maybe she is jealous of Porky because he means so much to you.Papbouv

doxielady5569128 · July 21, 2009, 08:38:41 AM

Quote from: papbouv on July 20, 2009, 09:36:50 PM
Too bad your FIL did not spray salad dressing in her face then she would know how it felt.Some times a Eye for an Eye
seems like a good idea at least she might start acting like an adult.I still wonder why she wanted to spend the night seems reallyscary for Porky maybe she is jealous of Porky because he means so much to you.Papbouv

You are absolutely right!!! That is exactly why she is so mean to him. She likes to always be the center of attention and gets mad when she's not.

I think she wanted to come stay with us because she's looking for a guy. (Long story!) Our town was having a big celebration from last Tuesday until Sunday, so she knew there would be lots people to get attention from. I don't mean to sound so harsh, but it just gets old dealing with people like her. In her defense, she does suffer from a mental illness, so not all her actions are controllable. I can tell you one thing, she will absolutely, NEVER be around Porky again. It is my job to protect him and I don't care if someone gets offended by it.

I have felt so much better about the whole thing since I had a place to vent about it!! Thank you all so much for your helpful advice and your concern. You are the best!!!

klsb · July 21, 2009, 09:22:30 AM

Good lucking getting a guy if he has kids... "Oh he is so cute let me see him.." *kick*

JEEZ some people

Good for you for standing up for your self! Porky appreciates it!

papbouv · July 21, 2009, 05:30:20 PM

That is fine you vent heck I might vent next time I think that is why women live longer than men usually we talk it over with friends.