I am facing the heartbreaking decision today.

[Holidaylynne]

It's been awhile since I've been on this board.

Since Hurricane Andrew in 1992, I have rescued, rehabilitated (both health and behavior) and found loving homes for Doxies.

Many I have formed a very strong bond with and they have remained with me.

I am currently owned by Miggy, Mookie and Manny.

Manny came to me a year ago, paralyzed from the waist down and had simply been on crate rest.  His window of opportunity for a successful surgery had long past.

Mookie came to me about a year and a half ago and began developing a limp about 8 weeks ago.

Weekly, I went to our vet and weekly he tried different things. 

I had worked extensively with Manny to regain strength in his lower back and legs (He came to me wit bloody sores from having dragged his hind legs- how can people DO this to a dog???)  I worked with him doing exercises, massages, etc for about 15 minutes every 4 hours for nearly 3 weeks.

I began placing more weight on his back legs as I would take him out and lower him to pee. Eventually he could stand, then wobbly walk, then walk more strongly and finally run around after the other Doxies ( I allow NO jumping in my house!!!!!!).

For one year he as been a very happy dog.

Two weeks ago he walked into the kitchen dragging his feet again and I just sat down and cried.

Naturally the vet said they each needed immediate surgery ($10,000 + all the other tests I had already run).

I learned of a great animal acupuncturist here and got each of them in.  Manny was walking after the first session and has been since.  I thought HE would be the hard one.

Mookie is going for his 4th session today.  The other vet had put him on Tramydol for the pain because he was so restless all day and night he'd just cry out in frustration. His X-rays show a disc in the upper neck but I don't believe it and neither does the vet/acupuncturist. She believes he has rheumatoid arthritis and as I thought I was crazy the past couple of days when I saw the leg he used to limp on but now doesn't even use, look like it was at a really weird angle (almost broken) until I read that this disease will literally eat away at the bone, which may be happening.

I know treatments take time to work but this past 3 months it's like Mookie has just given up on life. I have cut back on the pain medicine and he only occasionally crys but he is horribly depressed. I will carry him out of bed in the morning and no sooner do I turn around than he has gone back to bed.

I will say his name.  No response.  I will YELL his name. Blank stare. I will ask, "Wanna go for a ride?"  He just sighs and turns his head away from me.

Is it time for me to let him go play with my others at the Bridge?

There is no joy in his life and Dr Brandt (an ANGEL) says it may be several more weeks before we see improvement.  I can't bare to put him through this any more.  It's like he's not even "Mookie" but just a shell of an animal with no spirit left inside.

I personally think if I ever let him out of my sight he would have long ago found a private place to die.

It used to take nothing to make that little guy happy (he came to me abused and has loved me intensely).  I feel I'm being selfish to make him spend even one more day like this.

If anyone can give me advice I would really appreciate it because we have to leave in 3 hours for Dr Brandt's and I need to prepare if I have to go through this HORRIBLE situation of sending a loved one on, once again.

The pain never gets any easier but you DO get more organized on what to bring (blankets, pieces of steak, favorite toy, etc.)  But to be honest, I don't think he would even pay attention to them- that's how despondent he is.

Love, Lynne.

[Barb]

Lynne,
My heart is heavy for you facing this decision.  I feel bad - I have no advice to give you except to follow your heart and look to your child to help.  I personally have not had to face this choice, but many say your furkids will let you know.  You have done so much for all your kids - they truly found a loving forever home with you.  If you decide to let him go to the Bridge, it will be out of love for him, and selflessness for you.  Please let us know - we will be here to support you.

Hugs to you and sweet loving kissies to Mookie.

Barb

[papbouv]

With my last two furkids I think I waited a little too long to send them to the bridge it is heart breaking to have to go though it and make the tough decision.They say pick three things that they love to do and when they no longer enjoy that activity it is time to say goodbye.In your situation you know the dog best is he trying to let you know it is time? Is their any medication that might reverse his depression? It is such a hard choice know you love him with all your heart and since you have done this in the past know you will make the right decision.
Hugs
Papbouv

[cheryl186]

I just saw this post this morning.  Lynne, sending Prayers to you and Mookie.  My heart is breaking for you both.  Please let us know.

[Kari]

Our thoughts are with you on this tough decision 

[Valerie]

  I am so sorry that you have to even make this decision.  My heart and thoughts go out to you.

[Roberta]

Our thoughs are with you at this time.
roberta

[Holidaylynne]

I wanted to personally thank each of you who kept Mookie in your prayers during this rough time in my life.

I hope you'll not think I'm lazy.  I'm just drained.

I am copying two emails I sent my sister.  I especially hope the info provided in the latter portion of the second email might be helpful to other Doxie owners.

Again, thank you for your friendship in this difficult period.

Holidaylynne.


A tribute to my little guy.

My dear Mookie,

"I have sent you on this journey to a land free of pain, NOT because I did not love you but because I loved you too much to force you to stay."

I loved you so very much and you'll always be in my heart, which is breaking right now. You were the most loyal and trusting Doxie I've ever known and I was blessed to be chosen for you to spend time with during your short stay on earth.

Say hello to Molly, Mambo, Mango, Moxie the Doxie and Moses. Have fun and I'll see you when I get there.

And yes, you are finally allowed to jump off of anything you want.

I miss you, little one.

Lynne

Mookie came to me as "Oscar" on July 16th, 2005 by way of a very compassionate and devoted Doxie rescuer named Brenda. He left for Heaven on August 29th, 2007. We believe he was 9 years old.



Dear Pam (and Brenda),

Sorry,  I accidently hit "send" too soon.

Anyway, the vet said it was necessary to take myself out of the equation in order to come up with the right answer for Mookie.

There were so many things other than the "pain" part of it.  The loss of his dignity, the change of the pack structure in my house where Manny, who had initially come to me paralyzed and then recovered had now actually bypassed Mookie in the order.

It was hard to watch Mookie lie in bed when the other two would go racing to the door to greet the mailman.  After all, he TAUGHT them that. He lost 5 pounds.  I couldn't get him to eat unless I hand-fed him. Nothing interested him anymore. I would call his name and he wouldn't even lift his head, just "sigh" and look away.

I could go on and on.

Anyway, I'm glad I am spiritual and believe strongly that we all meet up again.  If not, I could never go through these things.

The only other choice was to amputate his leg far deep into the shoulder blade and though most dogs manage just fine, I just felt all things considered, he deserved to be in Heaven chasing rabbits. He had been in pain far to long, alreadyand I regret taking him to that idiot vet for over a month before finding Dr. Brandt.

Sometimes, he would just look deep into my eyes and I could tell he was asking me, "why?" I think he stayed strong for as long as he did for me, not for him.  Look how selfish I was, when compared to that.

I told the vet the problem was that I had HOPE and I think that's the difference between animals and humans.  I was HOPING at the expense of Mookie and that just wasn't right.

Anyway, I took the chicken's way out yesterday and last night.  I went to bed as soon as I came home at 10 am and took a valium and went to sleep.  When I woke up at 4 pm, I did the same.  And when I woke at midnight I did the same for a final time.

Manny and Miggy slept by me all night.  Miggy is so hyper I don't think she THINKS but I could tell Manny was kind of sad. He always sleeps in a special spot and Mookie always did too.  Last night Manny slept in Mookie's spot. Mookie had always been very tender and protective of Manny from the very beginning.

I have always had a very strong bond with animals and a different philosophy than many, I think.

A good example is when I rescued a dog who had been severely abused for several years.  It took me FOREVER to bring out his sense of humor (and he had one HELL of a sense of humor!) After two years of being shown such unconditional love and actually ENJOYED life he developed pancreatic cancer.

I kept asking, why NOW?!  Why, when he finally gets to enjoy life does this have to happen? I questioned that a lot over the years but I think I finally found my answer: His mission on earth had been completed- to be unconditionally loved, respected and honored for the tremendous soul that he was.

Once he had achieved that, it was time to move on.

I'd like to think that is the same with Mookie.  Mookie was the "man" of the house in all respects.  He took care of me and the other two Doxies.  Towards the end, our roles had reversed and we were all taking care of him. And I think that's when he knew it was time to move on.

I hope I don't come across as crazy.  It's not even been 24 hours so please understand I've got a lot more praying to do to come to grips with this.

But I appreciate your thoughts.  Since I never married or had kids, my Doxies have always been my children and it never gets any easier to go through this.

I need to send a copy of this to Brenda, too.  She is the one who believed in me enough to let me foster Mookie and Manny without applying the $150 adoption fee, which I could not have afforded at the time.

The irony is that as I look at this stack of vet bills that total in the thousands (thank God my ex looks at the dogs like they're HIS kids so he pays the vet bills) I probably could have but he won't "spring" for a new Doxie rescue.  It's just that once I have them, his heart is hooked.

There is one thing that gives me comfort and that is knowing that any Doxie I have ever owned has had the best life on earth possible.  Believe me, they live better than I most times but I wouldn't change a thing.

Brenda, the term for the condition that Mookie had is "Brachial Plexus Avulsion" and Dr. Brandt said the condition he had was not curable but that he would continue to lose more muscle and be on strong pain medication the rest of his life.

I hope you understand why I had to do what I did.  And I am saying this jokingly.... PLEASE!!!!!  If there is ever another Doxie that needs a home, forget you know me.  Although I DO need to come to a Doxie meet and show you Manny's progress.  You wouldn't recognize him.  Not only is he running and digging and playing tricks on Miggy, he is the happiest little dog you've ever seen.

As a note, Dr. Brandt has 4 years vet school, 2 years residency and then 4 more years in pet acupuncture and chiropractic/holistic medicine.  She is more expensive than most but she has many Dachshund clients that were told by their regular vets that back surgery was necessary when most times it's not. My other vet said each needed immediate back surgery and that simply was not the case.  Mookie'scondition wasn't even back related and Manny's back had gone out almost two years ago so the window of opportunity had long passed for those nerve endngs.

She is a firm believer in Doxies taking a daily vitamin called "Super Eff 7680 SP" by Standard Process Inc. It is a high fat blend, which is good for back cartilage. I can send you the ingredients if you wish.

All I know is that it took me several weeks to get Manny walking after I got him from you and he was doing fine until last month when he started dragging his legs again.  It only took one session of acupuncture (she hooks the needles up to a charger that shoots little bursts of energy through the nerve endings) and issued the vitamins and he was back up and even happier than he had been this past year.  In fact now, he's downright cocky.

I'm taking him in for another check-up in 2 weeks.  Can you tell me what vet you are working for?  The one I have used the past 4 years I will never be able to trust again after he said both Mookie and Manny needed back surgery when they clearly didn't.

Well, I better run.  I'm taking Miggy and Manny for a walk before it gets too hot.

Love, Lynne.

[Kari]

Please know we are here for you fany time you need it. We have strong shoulders to cry on and to support you through this hard time. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Rich]

You know that love is really love when it is selfless. You blessed Mookie with that kind of love. Our hearts and prayers are with you tonight.