Lara and Chilie...the so-so relationship

[Beth]

Lara is now 18 months old.  More and more, she seems to be getting a little jealous of Chilie.  I always thought it would be the other way around, so this came as a bit of a surprise to me.  Sometimes when Lara and I (or she and her daddy) sit in our chair together to read or have a drink, and Chilie is in the chair with us, Lara will kind of push Chilie and say, "Out".....meaning that she doesn't want Chilie in the chair with us.  I always tell Lara that it's ok that Chilie sits with us....she's part of our family too.  She accepts that, and everything is fine.  I guess I always thought that Lara would be very close with Chilie, but they're not.  I'm hoping that in time their relationship will become closer.  There are promising signs...

Lara is starting to learn the concept of playing with Chilie.....sort of.  She will take one of Chilie's toys (usually her Bobo) and hold it out for Chilie to grab and play with, but at the last minute, she pulls it away like she doesn't want to share the toy with Chilie.  I'm trying to teach Lara about the goodness of sharing.  I tell Lara that Bobo is Chilie's toy, and Chilie is allowed to play with it, and that it is very nice of Chilie to share Bobo with her.  Lara also likes to hold Chilie's leash when we take walks, and she likes to give Chilie treats (although when she picks out the treat, she'll run away with it and I have to set her on my lap to get her to give the treat to Chilie )

Anyone else with small kids have this kind of experience?  Is there anything else I can be doing to encourage a friendship between the two?

[Barb]

Sorry - but I have no experience to share....sounds like you are doing the right thing though.    Does Lara get together and play with other kids often?  How does she act with them?  It may be the sharing issue with ANYBODY - human or fur that she is going through.     There is probably some good info on line too - might search for dog/young children relationships.

Let us know how it goes !

[lucylu]

At this age, all children have the mental thought of.... what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine. It will last until around the age of 3 or 4. It is normal for her to think only of herself right now. But you are doing the right thing. Teaching sharing starts young. Keep up the good work.
Expert advice from a mother of 3. Now 2 teenagers. Now this age is even more complicated. Wish I was back in your shoes. LOL

[doxielady5569128]

I can't help too much with advice, since i don't have any kids of my own.  But, I can tell you i think you are doing the right thing by teaching her that Chile is part of the family too.   I agree with what lucylu said about them being selfish at this age.  I know from working in daycare and my nephew that, that is defiantely true!    hope things get better!

[David C.]

At 18 months, the concept of sharing really isn't there.  I do agree you should teach it, though.   I wouldn't worry too much about the pushing out of the chair.  Jessica has been known to pull me off the couch, drag me into the middle of the room, only so she can sit next to Margie without me.   She's pushed my nephew clear out of a room so she can play with my niece.   Little ones have their set order in the world, and clearly Chilie is not part of her order...for now.   I'm sure it will change.

The important thing is that Chilie is taking the high road and not trying to be aggressive towards Lara.  Lara will eventually come around and appreciate that Chilie is a living being and not just an unusually animated toy.  Where Rudy took to Jessica and vice versa, Jessica had a more standoffish relationship with Max.   She would from time to time engage him, but it really wasn't until literally his final days that she started treating him like a living being.   It seems to have carried over to Zeke as he seems to have picked up where Max left off, except that Zeke is far more active than Max was (being 13 years younger has a way of doing that).

I would just keep doing what you are doing, reinforcing the good behaviors and redirecting the improper behaviors...on both sides, although it sounds like Chilie is being good.  Don't expect an overnight change.   There will be a gradual change, but my guess is around Lara's second birthday, give or take a month or two, she will have that "A Ha" that Chilie is not a toy but a living being.

[April]

Elf has told Cajsa and Gretchen "down!" when she wants in my lap without them or if she thinks they are in the way.  I usually tell her that she needs to wait while momma helps Cajsa and Gretch move over to share the lap.  We also have always treated Cajsa and Gretchen the same as other people as far as telling them "sorry" if we bump them or "please move" when they are in the way.  Elf has even started asking if they are OK when she hears one of them whine for something (usually a treat or a lap).  To her they are members of the family, but as others have said it didn't happen overnight.  Be patient, and continue to treat Chilie like you want Lara to treat her and encourage Lara to help care for them.  Elf feeds the girls every morning and evening.  (I measure it but she pours the food into the dishes.)  They get told "bye-bye" and "nite-nite" when Elf is leaving or going to bed.  It's all something that comes in time with patience and consistency.